


Parade wa Owaranai

by vogue91



Series: 500themes [89]
Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Altered Mental States, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - Artists, Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Alternate Universe - Criminals, Alternate Universe - Family, Alternate Universe - Foster Family, Alternate Universe - Ghosts, Alternate Universe - Hell, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Alternate Universe - Mental Institution, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Alternate Universe - Office, Alternate Universe - Photographer, Alternate Universe - Pirate, Alternate Universe - Police, Alternate Universe - Prison, Alternate Universe - Prostitution, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Alternate Universe - Sports, Alternate Universe - Stripper/Exotic Dancer, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Alternate Universe - War, Alternate Universe - Witchcraft, Amnesia, Angst, Blind Date, Boss/Employee Relationship, Break Up, Character Death, Class Differences, Dark Past, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Developing Relationship, Falling In Love, Feelings, Football | Soccer, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Love, M/M, Magic, Master/Servant, Modeling, Murder, One Shot Collection, Oral Sex, Painting, Past Relationship(s), Pseudo-Incest, Soldiers, Strippers & Strip Clubs, Suicide Attempt, Teasing, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:13:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 30
Words: 38,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23946736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: A series of one shots, each in a different AU set, each with different pairings.[Tags and such will be updated as I post]
Relationships: Arioka Daiki/Yamada Ryosuke, Chinen Yuri/Inoo Kei, Chinen Yuri/Takaki Yuya, Chinen Yuri/Yabu Kota, Chinen Yuri/Yamada Ryosuke, Chinen Yuri/Yaotome Hikaru, Inoo Kei/Nakajima Yuto, Inoo Kei/Takaki Yuya, Inoo Kei/Yabu Kota, Inoo Kei/Yaotome Hikaru, Nakajima Yuto/Yabu Kota, Nakajima Yuto/Yaotome Hikaru, Takaki Yuya/Yamada Ryosuke, Yabu Kota/Yamada Ryosuke, Yamada Ryosuke/Yaotome Hikaru
Series: 500themes [89]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1029878
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	1. Boku wo michibiite yuke [Takaki/Yamada, Prison!AU]

**Title:** Boku wo michibiite yuke (Lead me on)

 **Pairing:** Takaki Yuya/Yamada Ryosuke

 **AU:** Prison

 **Prompt:**[1) There’s daggers in men’s smiles [William Shakespeare]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [464\. Severed tension](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

Life behind bars would’ve been easier, had it not been for that brat.

Takaki had gotten used to the lack of freedom his first year there. The second one he had learnt not to mess with the other prisoners, the third one not to defy the guards.

A couple of months into his fourth year that kid had arrived, and everything had gone straight to hell.

“What are you doing?”

The question arrived, uncalled for and incredibly stupid.

Takaki was currently sitting on a small iron bench at the edge of the yard, smoking, staring into space.

When Yamada Ryosuke sat next to him, he could feel clearly the heat of his skin close to his own, and he didn’t like it one bit.

“Planning my next holidays. I was thinking Aruba, what do you say?” he replied, ironic, hoping that the younger was going to get the hint and leave him be.

Up until now, he had yet to be lucky.

“Don’t be so cranky. People are going to start to think you want to be left alone.” the kid replied, with a smart wit on his face which Yuya only wished he could’ve...

“Wouldn’t want that, right?” he said, shaking his head a couple of times. “Honestly, kid. Why don’t you go make friends with someone who actually gives a damn about this stuff? There’s plenty of guys like you around looking to hang out. You shouldn’t waste your time with lifers.”

He had told him those exact same words a thousand times in the past few months, and Yamada had always come back to mess with him. Every single day.

He didn’t know what had clicked that day, but instead of ignoring him, Ryosuke turned to look at him, a serious look on his face.

“What you really mean is that you don’t want to get attached to me, because if everything goes smoothly I’ll be out of here in five years, tops. And you don’t want to miss me.” he told him.

Yuya turned around, very slowly. Ryosuke still had that idiotic smile on his face, but somehow it tasted different now. The tension between them was finally severed, Yamada had managed to that with just a few words.

There’s daggers in men’s smiles, they said, and the blades on Yamada’s lips hurt too much for him to react like he should’ve had. That was, taking a shiv and bleed him dry.

“And if that was the case? Shouldn’t you be nice and leave me alone?” he hissed, going back to look straight in front of himself.

Yamada chuckled, shaking his head.

“I’m not nice. I’m a convict, remember?” he joked. “Besides, I don’t give a damn about this dark thing you’ve got going. I want to spend time with you and I will. I’ll do my time and, if you behave during my time here, I might also come visit once I’ll be out.” he shrugged, smirking. “Or I can choke a guard and spend the rest of my life here with you. Depends on how you treat me, really.” he joked.

Yuya felt the dangerous need to laugh, and he couldn’t allow himself that.

He looked at him again, all rage gone.

“You should choose your battles more wisely, kid.” he tried one last time, knowing already he was going to lose.

“Name’s Ryosuke. Ryo for friends. And for stubborn lifers who want to get close to me but are too scared to touch.”

A punch. One well-placed punch on his pretty face would’ve solved everything, and Yuya could’ve gone back to wallow in his blissful solitude.

“We’ll see about that guard you’re going to do in, then.” he said. “Ryo.”

There were no more daggers in Ryosuke’s following smile, only hope. Something Yuya shouldn’t have had, but that he was going to take anyway, and the hell with everything else.


	2. Tasty U [Takaki/Chinen, Vampire!AU]

**Title:** Tasty U

 **Pairing:** Takaki Yuya/Chinen Yuri

 **AU:** Vampire

 **Prompt:**[2) There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness [Friedrich Nietzsche]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [438\. A waking slumber](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

Yuri knew it shouldn’t have been like this.

He had never been one to have a wish to fall in love; he sure knew it was a possibility, something that might’ve happened without him having any control over it; but, had he given it some more serious thought, he felt it should’ve been different than it actually was.

He should’ve been afraid, in that exact moment. The sharp fangs appearing at the corners of Yuya’s mouth looked as deadly as he was sure they were, and he knew deep down he should’ve screamed and run away.

He just couldn’t. He was in a waking slumber, waiting to wake up. Wishing he didn’t have to, not ever.

“Why are you still here?” Yuya seemed as doubtful as him, but Yuri saw some hope there, mixed with the disbelief.

“Don’t know.” he replied, automatically, his eyes unable to leave his mouth. “I suppose it’s just a lot to process.” he added then, sure it was a very silly comment from his part.

But Yuya laughed at that. He laughed, showing more of the fangs, looking terrifying as nothing else Yuri had seen in his life.

And beautiful, too.

“I’ll tell you how to process it, Yuri. You should turn your back on me and run away as fast as you can. Even though, I have to tell you this, I’m pretty fast myself. If I were to chase you, there’s no way you could escape me.” he said, his voice still amused amongst all the bewilderment for Yuri’s non-reaction.

“Why are you showing me this?” the younger asked then, starting to feel somehow angry. “Why didn’t you just attack me? What is this, some sort of perverse foreplay?”

Yuya didn’t seem to deem that funny. At all.

“Don’t be ridiculous. If I wanted to kill you, you’d have been dead the moment I met you.” he spat the word, and somehow Yuri knew that the despise in his tone was all toward himself. “I didn’t plan for it to be like this. You were supposed to be dinner and nothing else. I didn’t mean to...” he paused, cursing. “It wasn’t planned for me to fall in love with you, you brat.”

And that hit Yuri worse than the current show of teeth.

“Love.” he repeated, feeling quite idiotic in doing so. “So you’re in love with me? And you’re a vampire.” he took a deep breath, trying to take that in. “This isn’t weird at all.” he added then, still in disbelief.

At the very least, Yuya seemed to gain back some of his amusement.

“It is. I shouldn’t feel like this, it’s not fair toward you. Nor it is toward my nature.” he explained, and then he shrugged. “But what can I say? There’s always some madness in love. I wouldn’t want it too plain or simple. Or without any life-threating scenarios.”

Yuri opened his eyes wide.

“There’s also always some reason in madness.” he pointed out. “You might be crazy for standing there and telling me all this, and I'm most definitely a nut-job for staying here and listen, but I suppose it’s not by chance.” he shrugged. “You’ve shown me because you want me to tell you that I accept this and that I love you too. Right now, you wish with all your heart that I can find it in myself not to be scared.”

Yuya’s eyes darkened hearing that, and he took a step back, as if he was trying to protect himself.

“I’m the one who’s scared.” he admitted. “Walking away right this second would be the wise thing for you to do. I’d understand if you were to do it. Damn, I’d praise you for doing it.” he sighed. “But at the same time I'm terrified that you will.”

Yuri gave it some more thought; then, incredibly slowly, he started walking toward him.

“I'm scared.” he said once he was barely a few centimetres from him. He tiptoed, pressing a very soft kiss to his lips. “But I guess that love beats fear.” he smiled, bringing his arms around the elder’s neck. “So, vampire... what do you say we give this madness a try?”

Yuya looked like he could barely contain himself, but in the end he managed to shake his head.

“It’s not madness at all, Chinen Yuri.” he said, fondly. “Loving you it’s the most reasonable thing I’ve ever done in my life.”

And hearing that, Yuri felt as if there was no fear left to beat at all.


	3. Are you there [Yaotome/Nakajima, War!AU]

**Title:** Are you there?

 **Pairing:** Yaotome Hikaru/Nakajima Yuto

 **AU:** War

 **Prompt:**[3) The struggle alone pleases us. Not the victory [Blaise Pascal]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [368\. To lose what wasn’t yours](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

_“We’re built this way, Hikaru. The struggle alone pleases us, not the victory.”_

Hikaru remembers clearly Yuto telling him that.

He remembers the tone he had used, the way he had smiled right after, as if to say he didn’t really mean it.

He did, though, and Hikaru has learnt it the hardest way possible.

It’s night, and it’s strangely quiet. There’s a slight echo of gunfire, but he’s sure it’s just in his head. He wonders whether he’ll ever stop hearing it.

_“I don’t think so. I don’t care one bit for the struggle, all I want is to make it back home safe.” he replies, smiling sheepishly. “With you, possibly.”_

_Yuto laughs, and it’s the most heavenly sound Hikaru’s ever heard in his whole life._

It finds it quite ironic. It’s funny to think that he had gone there to fight in a battle that he doesn’t fully understand, that he’s there to defend his country and its honour, and that while he was doing that he’s found love.

He remembers Yuto asking him whether it was born out of need, of nostalgia for human contact, but Hikaru’s never seen it this way.

He’s known what he felt for Yuto three days into boot camp. He didn’t miss anything then; he didn’t _need_ to fall in love to feel alive. Not as he does now.

_“So? Did you have anything special planned for us once we make it back home?” Yuto asks, not at all put off by the promise in the elder’s words._

_Hikaru pretends to think about it for a moment, then he nods._

_“I was thinking we could find a place. Together. And we can tell everybody that we’re just friends if you want, that we just_ need _to be together, that we’ve been at war and that they can’t understand the bond we’ve created here. And then we can go on spend the rest of our lives. How does that sound?”_

So silly. It sounds so silly right now, whilst he plays that particular memory back in his head.

He looks up at the sea; it’s so dark he wouldn’t know where it was if it wasn’t for the delicate sound of the wave, but that doesn’t matter either.

The last time he’s looked so intently at the sea, Yuto was next to him. Naked and sated, and beautiful and ready to take him up on his offer, to spend the rest of his life by his side.

But, as it turns out, he didn’t need the victory. The struggle alone was necessary.

_“I better start being more careful on the battlefield. Now you’ve given me something to look forward to, it’s pretty dangerous.” Yuto tells him, and from the look on his face Hikaru knows he’s not joking. At all._

_“You weren’t being careful up until now?” he asks, confused._

_Yuto shrugs, lost in thought._

_“It’s war, Hikka. Doesn’t matter whether I'm careful or not, stuff is going to happen. Anyway.” he sighs. “I enjoy the part of the battle, if I manage to fight without thinking about anything else. But I don’t think I can now. I’ll keep imagining a life with you, and I’ll keep being afraid I won’t get to have that. You’ve officially made me vulnerable.”_

He was joking. That’s what Hikaru keeps telling himself.

He was joking, it wasn’t Hikaru who had made him vulnerable. They had never stood a chance, they were fooling themselves, thinking a life together would’ve actually been possible.

It wasn’t his fault that Yuto’s body was currently being shipped home along hundreds of others, on a boat reeking of death, of hopes lost, of despair.

The same smell Hikaru has on himself since the day they had taken his love away. The smell of losing what perhaps had never been his in the first place.

_“We should keep it more simple: let’s just promise that, whatever happens, as long as we live we won’t forget tonight. That we won’t forget of the small corner of sand we have found to be away from the guys and from the war, to be able to be together like this.” Yuto smiles to him, and he’s sad now. “I just need you to promise me that, Hikaru. And then I’ll still be able to fight the same way as before.”_

_Hikaru wants to scream. To tell him they shouldn’t be fighting, that they should aim for the victory, for a future together, just the way he’s imagined it._

_He can’t._

_“I promise.” he says, his voice broken. “I promise I will always remember the way you are right now. And that I’ll always remember how much I love you, Nakajima Yuto.”_

He wants to break that promise. He wants to forget, because it hurts too much, because he’s not willing to live like this, not without him. Not anymore.

He brushes his hands over his face and gets on his feet. He can’t stand not seeing the sea, not anymore.

Another day approaches, another battle’s coming, and he’s going to fight it without a thought in his mind.

He’s lost everything. Now, the struggle alone is going to please him. Not the victory.


	4. Angel come to me [Inoo/Chinen, Supernatural!AU]

**Title:** Angel come to me

 **Pairing:** Inoo Kei/Chinen Yuri

 **AU:** Supernatural

 **Prompt:**[4) People only believe what they already know [Umberto Eco]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [360\. White wings](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

Kei wasn’t sure what was going on.

He had met Yuri only a few weeks ago, but it felt like a whole lifetime to him.

There was something about him, something which Kei couldn’t quite grasp yet. Not that he wanted to, not right now.

The younger looked beautiful, riding him like that. His naked frame looked like it was sculpted in marble with the dim light coming from the window hitting it just the right way.

“Don’t get so lost in thought. You might want to focus on what it’s going on here.” Chinen mocked him, highlighting his words with a roll of the hips, which just makes Kei see stars.

“I'm very focused.” he assured, bringing his hands to the younger’s thighs, holding them in a bruising grip, enjoying his lustful moans. “I just can’t believe I got so lucky.” he added then with a smirk, trying to mask his words with a coat of smugness.

He hadn’t. Yuri’s smile told him that.

“What can I say?” he murmured, his voice _filthy_ by now. “I met you, I liked you. I wanted this and I took it. When you think about it, your contribution is minimum.”

Kei thrust his hips up, meaning to hurt. But he couldn’t hurt Yuri, he knew that already. He had tried countless times in their previous encounters, and every single one of them he had ended up making Yuri come much faster, as if he needed the pain to find his release.

Kei had never thought he could’ve found something like that arousing, but he had.

“Somehow, I think my contribution is essential to us having sex. Besides, it looks like you’re enjoying this. A lot.”

Chinen laughed. A sound impure, dirty, haunting. Beautiful, just like him.

“I _am_ enjoying this, as a matter of fact.” he murmured, leaning down to lick at Inoo’s upper lip. “But don’t think you’re special or something. You’re not the only human being with a dick, you know.”

Kei let that slide, because he didn’t really care about being special.

He didn’t have feelings for Yuri, that much had been clear since the first time they had slept together. But when this happened, he entered into a sort of frenzy from which he couldn’t escape, and he found himself needing to be buried deep inside that sinful body, needing to mark it and claim it, then spend himself inside it only to start all over again as soon as he could.

It was a drug. It was an obsession. And it made him feel alive in the most delicious way possible.

So much that, on some level, he thought he had always known that something was off.

Right then, Yuri had apparently decided he had had enough of doing all the hard work. He pulled away and lied down on the mattress, spreading his legs obscenely.

“Come on, I’ll give you a chance to be useful for once. Fuck me into this bed like you mean it, and I might just reconsider your status.”

Kei takes a moment to look at him one more time, and he could almost see it.

He was so beautiful that it wouldn’t have surprised him to see his eyes glisten, his skin turn gold and a pair of delicate white wings appear from his back, telling Kei he was an angel, just like his appearance would have suggested.

It wouldn’t have surprises him. But it would've been wrong.

He was back inside of him, thrusting as if his life depended on it, and perhaps it was true.

It was there, almost there.

People only believed what they already knew.

He wouldn’t have believed it otherwise, but on some level he’d always been aware of that, right from the first time Chinen had spoken to him.

It was when he came. He opened his eyes for a brief moment, showing his irises. His completely black irises.

Kei kept fucking him nonetheless, because this didn't surprise either, because he had always known.

He kept relishing the tight hold of his obsession’s body, he kept claiming his sweet, beautiful demon.


	5. Kemono to bara [Yabu/Nakajima, Criminals!AU]

**Title:** Kemono to bara (Monster and a rose)

 **Pairing:** Yabu Kota/Nakajima Yuto

 **AU:** Criminals

 **Prompt:**[5) It is necessary to wish for death in order to know how good it is to live [Alexandre Dumas père]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [324\. The tattered, the torn](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

The gun weighs a ton on his side.

Yuto has been doing this for over six months now, and he had thought that by now the weapon would’ve felt just like another limb for him.

It hasn’t. Not yet, not ever.

There’s the blood, too. That, he hadn’t expect having to get used to, so he hasn’t even tried. It makes him sick, each and every time. It makes him want to run away, forget everything about this life and do something else, _anything_ else with what little time he’d have before they found him.

“You’re grey.”

There’s amusement in Kota’s voice, Yuto’s learned to recognize it from day one. It’s not a mocking tone, per se, because Yabu is not that kind of man. But Yuto’s queasiness somehow makes him cheerful, which is the scariest thought of all.

“What?” he asks, grimacing. The car feels suffocating, he wants to get out, to walk, to breathe. He doesn’t dare asking for it, though. He doesn’t want to find out where lies the line between amused and angry, with Kota.

“Your face. It has gone through every colour in the spectrum since we’ve killed that kid, and now it’s settled on grey.” he explains, smirking. “Do you think it’ll ever stop affecting you this much?”

Yuto stays quiet for a few moments. He genuinely thinks about it.

Kota’s not bad. He’s older than him, he’s been living this life longer, but somehow Nakajima doubts he’s ever been nauseous in front of a dead body, not even once. He’s good at compartmentalizing.

“I hope not.” he replies, slowly. He’s deciding as he goes how much he can trust me, even though his guts tell him he can. “It’s the only thing that keeps me going, you know. The fact that I still want to throw up after having watched somebody die.”

When Yabu laughs, it’s no surprise for Yuto. He was expecting that.

“You’ve got it all wrong.” the elder tells him, shaking his head. He doesn’t say anything else for a while, and as soon as he’s got the chance he parks the car on the side of the road, turns the engine off and looks at him. “You should _want_ it to stop affecting you. It’s the only way you can keep doing this.” he sighs. “So, that kid betrayed us, he talked to the cops and everything, so we received the order to kill him. Do you think it’s fair? Because I don’t. Hell, I think it’s damn unfair, and I hate myself for pulling the trigger. But if I kept thinking about it, the next time I’d aim a gun at something, it would be my skull. And I don’t want that. Not because of this.” he says, shrugging, his eyes fixated on Yuto, waiting for his answer.

There they are, Nakajima thinks. The tattered and the torn. At some point he had convinced himself that Yabu didn’t think twice about what they did, and finding out that he was wrong scares him, somehow.

“I’ve wanted to.” he admits in the end, taking a deep breath. “I’ve wanted to take the gun, point it at my head and shoot.”

Yabu doesn’t look surprised by that.

“It’s good that you have.” he reassures him. He smiles to him, then, and it’s almost tender. “It is necessary to wish for death in order to know how good it is to live. But...” again, he sighs. “But you’ve got to let yourself live. You’ve got to take the stuff we see every day, deal with it and then never think about it again. And you have to forgive yourself, because this is just the hand you’ve been dealt.” he looks like he’s about to reach his hand out, to touch his face, but then he doesn’t, and Yuto thinks he’s only imagined that. “And after all of that, you have to go out and have some fun. When’s the last time you’ve done that?”

The younger, finally, manages to smile.

“How long have I been working for a family?” he asks, ironical.

Yabu laughs and nods.

“That’s it, then. We’ve got another hour on the road, I reckon, so use that time to think about what just happened. Once we’re back in the city, I'm taking you out to dinner. You’re going to get drunk and the hell with everything else.” he informs him, and Yuto just knows it’s not a request.

He blinks, once, picturing the night out, picturing letting go. Picturing Kota there, with him.

He can do that.

“Fine.” he agrees, and smiles again. “Well then, let’s go. I’ve got some pondering to go, if you want me to be any fun at dinner.” he mocks him then, knowing he can now.

Yabu shakes his head and starts the car again.

“Brat.” he mutters. He’s smiling too, though.

Yuto starts thinking about the gun. The blood. The stench of death. The wish to end his life.

Then he throws a look at Kota, and everything seems slightly better.

He’s done wanting to die. It’s about time he starts living.


	6. Reload [Yaotome/Nakajima, Royalty!AU]

**Title:** Reload

 **Pairing:** Yaotome Hikaru/Nakajima Yuto

 **AU:** Royalty

 **Prompt:**[6) Touch has a memory [John Keats]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [337\. Shackles of the mind](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

Hikaru remembers.

He remembers the one time he had laid his hands on Yuto’s skin, and despite the number of years which have passed, his fingertips still remember the texture. The heat.

What his own skin remembers, though, fights unfairly with the images and feelings his head conjures.

The uncertainty. The guilt.

The pain.

The first and only time Hikaru had touched Yuto, the younger had been barely sixteen, and whilst Hikaru was nineteen at the time, he was far from knowing what he was doing.

He’s been with people, since then. He has never felt quite the same as he had with Nakajima.

They had never spoken about it again. It was a ghost between them, floating and haunting, but during the years the both of them had become quite good at ignoring it.

Hikaru can’t, not anymore. He wants to talk to Yuto, wants to ask what happened, wants to explain, to...

To feel that way again. To forget why he can’t.

That’s why he’s in his chambers right now, even though his mind tries desperately to find an excuse for his presence there; he knows, anyway, that Yuto would read right through him. He knows him too well.

“Yuto no miya.” he calls him, and it pains him to do so.

The prince raises his eyes from the book he’s reading, and he smiles.

“I still hate when you call me like that, Hikaru no kimi.” are his first words, and there’s irony in the title he chooses for him, Hikaru knows that. He hates that too.

“Yuto.” he tries again, and it’s so much better like that. “Am I interrupting you? If you want I can...”

“Please, stay.” the younger interrupts him, putting the book away. “It’s arithmetic. I would love nothing more than a distraction.” he gestures for Hikaru to go sit next to him, and the elder hesitates.

He doesn’t want to be this close. Or he wants that too much, and that’s been a problem for years. 

He sits down, anyway, and keeps quiet. He knows it’s too long and he should say something, but he also realizes that it doesn’t matter. Yuto knows what he’s thinking, he’s known that for years.

“Was there anything you wanted to tell me?” he asks after a while, a tender and resigned smile on his face.

Hikaru wishes he can break free from the shackles of his mind, of society, of royalty, and kiss that smile on his face. He wants to take his clothes off, piece by piece, and feel that skin under his fingertips, to find out whether it’s like he remembers.

Touch has a memory, and this one in particular is burned all over his brain.

“Your father told me.” he says in a small voice, wishing he could’ve said anything else, hating the fact that he’s been forced to think about the Emperor’s words for days now, unable to do anything about it.

Yuto’s features harden, and he loses his childish smile, the one Hikaru loves so much.

“You knew it was going to happen someday.” he says, serious. “I’m the legitimate heir, and the traditions demands me to have a wife.” there’s the shadow of an ancient feeling on his face, and Hikaru wants to hold on to that. “I couldn’t quite tell my father that I’d rather be bound to a male member of the court for the rest of my life, could I?”

Hikaru almost doesn’t register his words.

Years. Years have gone by without them ever speaking about that again, without...

He gets closer to him, wipes his mind clear, and finally kisses him.

Touch as a memory. And his lips remember the texture of Yuto’s as if he’s last kissed them yesterday, as if they’re allowed to do this, as if they have a lifetime to do it over and over again.

He clings to the kiss, to the warmth and the taste, to the way Yuto’s body presses against his own, as if it tried to get as close to him as humanly possible.

He wishes it could go on forever, but it’s over awfully soon.

“You’re desperate.” Yuto tells him, his breath short, his lips marvellously red. “You shouldn’t be. We…” he pauses, shaking his head. “After that night, I have wanted so much for you to come back into my chambers with that same intent. But you never did.” he says, lowering his eyes on the floor.

“I couldn’t.” Hikaru hisses, frustrated. “We still can’t. I just...” he licks his lips. “I couldn’t stand to see you get married to a total stranger without reminding myself what it was like to touch you. To have you close.”

Much to his surprise, Yuto smiles.

“It’s true we can’t.” he shrugs. “But I still believe that worst secrets have been kept during the years among these walls. The fact that I'm going to get married for political reasons doesn’t change the way I feel. The way I’ve felt during the past years.” he caresses Hikaru’s face, tenderly. “I’ll be Emperor, one day. I’ll have my faithful Empress by my side, I’ll lead this country, I’ll fight for it. And I’ll still want you by my side, if that’s where you want to be.”

Hikaru doesn’t have to think about an answer. His senses do it for him, they scream at him, telling him to hold on to him and never let him go.

“I will be forever at your side, Yuto no miya.” he whispers. He bows his head, inappropriately formal, but that’s what he feels he has to do right now.

Yuto laughs, anyway, and takes his face in his hand, making him look again.

“Then stay. And kiss me again, right now. Or you’re going to let more years pass by without touching me.”

Hikaru could. He could wait forever before touching him again, and he’d still feel it.

Touch has a memory, he knows that.

But no memory has such as sweet taste as the one of touching his prince for real.


	7. Banger night [Yaotome/Yamada, Strippers!AU]

**Title:** Banger night

 **Pairing:** Yaotome Hikaru/Yamada Ryosuke

 **AU:** Strippers

 **Prompt:**[7) What hath night to do with sleep? [John Milton]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [333\. Illuminated darkness](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

He can’t tear his eyes away.

There’s something magnetic in the way he moves on the stage, in the way he slowly removes piece of clothing after piece of clothing.

Hikaru doesn’t fool himself: he knows the reality of the situation; he knows it’s sleazy to sit there, a drink in his hand and too many already in his body, and look at a man who strips for money.

But he’s seen other people do it, and he can swear he’s never quite seen something like this in his life.

He mustn’t be older than twenty; short, in shape, his skin fair, perfect, without a spot. Makes him want to bite on it, to mark it, to ruin it, because it isn’t right that for someone with a job like his to be so seemingly pure.

He keeps looking at him until the very last note of the song he’s dancing to, then he acts like he’s not responsible for what he’s doing, and barely realizes going to the club’s owner, asking for some private time with his personal devil.

He’s lead to a tacky room, which is exactly as he had imagined it. He doesn’t have time, though, to change his mind, that the kid’s at the door, a sultry smile on his face, his clothes safely back in place.

“Good evening...” he says, arching an eyebrow, and it takes Hikaru a while to realize he wants to know his name.

“Yaotome. Yaotome Hikaru.” he blurts out, blushing a little. He’s never felt so awkward in his whole life. Nor this aroused. “How do I call you?”

The other man laughs, shaking his head.

“I don’t do the stage name thing. I don’t have a problem with my own name.” he informs him, getting slightly closer. “I'm Yamada Ryosuke.”

Even the name’s pretty, Hikaru thinks.

“So... what...” is all he manages to say, too embarrassed to ask what he’s getting for his money. He’d rather pretend Yamada’s here of his own volition, that he _wants_ to stay right there and let Hikaru watch him, let his eyes ravish him as they please.

“You’re cute.” Yamada tells him, getting even closer; slowly, incredibly so, he straddles his laps, bringing his arms around the elder’s neck. “Handsome, too. You wouldn’t believe the kind of people I usually find in this room. Must be my lucky night.” he chuckles.

The music from the club’s main room can barely be heard, but it doesn’t seem to be a problem for the kid: he starts to roll his hips, in circles, his eyes fixated in Hikaru’s as he does.

He keeps going for a while, slowly removing his shirt, abandoning it on the floor, pressing himself against Hikaru, who wants to touch him so desperately. He’s quite sure, anyway, that no amount of money he could spend would make that okay.

Now Yamada’s moving against his very obvious and very painful erection, and whilst he doesn’t think he’s ever felt this embarrassed in his whole life, it’s also a relief, so he tries not to care; the younger, anyway, smiles to him, as if he’s perfectly fine with it. And with the way he looks, Hikaru imagines he’s the last of a long list of men who’ve gotten hard looking at him.

A few minutes later Yamada slips down, and before Hikaru has a chance to realize what he’s doing, he’s on the floor, kneeling between his legs.

He holds his breath for a few seconds. Ryosuke – _god_ , it’s lovely to call him like that in his mind – looks even more beautiful right now, in the illuminated darkness of the room, as if he was the only thing there actually emitting light, as if there was nothing else in the world but him, his small hands on Hikaru’s knees, his mouth so beautifully and dangerously close to...

“I didn’t think it was this kind of establishment.” he _has_ to say, because he’s panicking, and he’s got to deal with it.

He realizes it’s very offensive but, anyway, Yamada laughs.

“I know I take off clothes for a living, but do I really look like a whore?” he asks, mischievously, then shakes his head. “This is not that kind of establishment. But, like I said, you’re quite handsome. And unless I'm severely mistaken, you want this, right?”

Hikaru would rather die there than tell him he doesn’t, but all he can do is nod.

Yamada’s mouth feels as wonderful as it looks.

He’s got it wrapped around him quickly, probably because they’ve got limited time, and they are most certainly not supposed to do this there.

Not that Hikaru can think about where they are, of course.

He’s close after just a few minutes, and he would feel ashamed for it, if he hadn’t been feeling like that since the exact moment he has stepped into the club.

He tries to keep his hands to himself as he comes, clawing the couch’s upholstery, holding on to it for dear life as he spills inside that beautiful, beautiful mouth.

After, it feels unreal. When he finally finds the courage to look at Yamada, anyway, he sees him smile.

“That’s better.” the younger says, getting back on his feet. “I’ve been thinking about this since the first time I saw you.” he informs him, smirking in such a smug way that Hikaru blushes. Again.

“You mean... you mean tonight?” he asks, uncomfortable. Ryosuke rolls his eyes.

“I mean the _first_ time. You’d think that after a while all the customers would start to look the same and... well, most of them do. But not the ones that catch my attention.” his smile softens, as he goes sitting next to Hikaru. “You’ve been here seven times in the past two weeks. I was starting to lose hope that you were going to do something about it. If you hadn’t asked to see me in private tonight, perhaps next time I would’ve asked you out.” he admits, shrugging.

Hikaru feels overwhelmed. But it’s good, somehow.

“So...” he frowns, but then he’s smiling too. “So is this how you always break the ice with people who catch your attention?” he jokes.

“You haven’t noticed it, but up there on the stage I was looking at you the same way you looked at me. Of course, a little more inconspicuously, but still. It’s like this is our seventh date. And that’s what I do on a seventh date.” he gets closer. “Even though I usually let men kiss me first.”

Hikaru does that, more than willingly, still feeling as if he’s living someone else’s life. 

“Can I take you do dinner after you’re done or is that something for the eight date?” Hikaru asks once he pulls away, tilting his head. “I mean, I realize you’re probably tired and want to go home to catch some sleep, but I was hoping you...”

“Yaotome-san.” Yamada interrupts him, grinning. “In my world, night has got nothing to do with sleep. But even if it did...” he shrugs, and kisses him again. “I’d rather do that in your bed. Please.”

Hikaru knows that it’s dangerous, that it’s too good to be free of complications, but he doesn’t care, not now. He wants to take this man home, wants to take _him_ , and relish him until he can, any way he can.

He figures he’ll worry about consequences on their tenth date or so.


	8. Our days [Arioka/Yamada, Hell!AU]

**Title:** Our days

 **Pairing:** Arioka Daiki/Yamada Ryosuke

 **AU:** Hell

 **Prompt:**[8) All things truly wicked start from innocence [Ernest Hemingway]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [470\. Freedom in chains](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

He would’ve lied to himself, saying he didn’t know why he was there.

It was very clear in his mind, the kind of life he had led. The people he had hurt, bad, the way he had always gone through his days without caring about anyone but himself.

But... _hell_. Knowing that hell was actually real, he would’ve tried not to mess things up. And that line of thought was probably one of the main reason why he was going to spend all of eternity getting tortured.

“You look like you’ve had enough already.” his gaoler told him, with a smirk on his face.

Daiki. Arioka Daiki. Yamada thought it was bad enough to be there, without having to be tormented by someone with such a mundane name.

“I’ve had enough the first ten seconds here.” he replied, bitter. “And now? How long has it been?”

Daiki shook his head, smirking.

“One of the first thing I’ve learnt about this place, is that if you try to keep track of time, you’re only going to get mad faster.” he chuckled. “Which isn’t a bad way to go, anyway.”

Then it dawned on Yamada. And he felt quite stupid for not having thought about it before.

“You’re human.” he said, incredulous. “I thought you were some form of spawn of hell, born to torture souls.”

Daiki didn’t laugh anymore.

“Hell is a man’s place.” he said, with just a hint of sadness. “When you think about it, it makes sense. It’s humans who invented sin. We invented theft and murder, and slaughters and all sort of niceties like those. Does it really surprise you that you’ve ended up in a place where humans torture humans? It’s not like earth it’s much different than here.”

Yamada pointed at his martyrized skin, grimacing.

“It feels different.” he pointed out, and somehow looking at it made the wounds hurt more.

Daiki smiled one more time, patronizing.

“You can see it this way: you’ve had fun in life, you’ve lived without worrying about the consequences of what you did, without giving a thought to the people surrounding you, and now you get to pay your dues for the rest of eternity. Whatever your belief system is, you should’ve thought that it was too good to be true. That nothing’s really free, not in life nor in death.”

Yamada threw him a furious look.

“If I wanted to be lectured about how to be a good human being, I would’ve gone to Africa to help starved children to end up in heaven.” he hisses. “You’re here too, aren’t you? Something tells me you mustn’t have been a stand up guy yourself.”

Daiki shrugged, as if it didn’t matter.

“The moment I realized where I was, I didn’t really understand.” he started to explain. “I thought I had been good. Or, at least, not bad enough to deserve this.” he sighed. “But then I’ve thought about it. For years. Decades, also. I’ve talked to other souls, I’ve talked to thieves, murderers, pedophiles, dictators even... some admit they’re in the right place, but most say it’s an injustice.” his lips got thinner, as if he was thinking about something especially unpleasant. “Those who think they don’t belong here are just fooling themselves. Even the smallest action can lead to unthinkable consequences for others. Even a moment of distraction. We might be guilty for something we don’t even know we’ve done, hence ending up here.” he looked at Yamada, intently. “All things truly wicked start from innocence. You and I, we were both innocent once. But the first step we took the other way, it’s what brought us here. It only takes one bad decision.” he concluded, getting closer to Yamada, as if to resume the torture.

Ryosuke wasn’t liking at all the direction taken by the discussion, but he liked it much better than his blood being spilled.

Besides, it felt a little less like hell, having Daiki talk to him like that. It felt better knowing he was human, knowing he had been through this already. It could save him, if there was something left to save.

“I’ve been surprised.” he replied, though reluctantly. “But I’ve come to terms with it fairly easily. It’s not like I gain anything bitching about being in hell. I figure, if I’m here, this is what I deserve. Nothing else.”

Daiki opened his eyes wide, surprised.

“I should find better ways to torture you. I’ve got a feeling you’re going to be hard to break.” was his reply, given with a smirk.

“It’s not that I don’t mind being skinned and cut and bled almost dry – as if I could die again. It hurts like...” he chuckles. “Well, it hurts like hell. What I'm saying it’s just that I agree with you. I have to pay my dues, I’ve been stupid to think I was going to get through life without having to.” he sighed. “I suppose that’s always been the case, right? Since the day I’ve been able to decide for myself, my freedom’s been in chains. I could choose to do right or to do wrong, without knowing I was deciding about my eternity with that.” he smirked. “I guess it really shouldn’t surprise that hell’s a human’s business. It’s very stupid, what we’ve all done.”

Daiki looked at him for a while, bewildered.

“I could kiss you right now.” he said, and then laughed. “Well, you know what I mean. But honestly, I’ve met very smart people here, and even they couldn’t admit how stupid we all are.”

“Well, maybe I’m just the stupidest one of them all. What do I know? I'm still a newbie here, I’ll tell you what I think about hell in a couple dozens of years.” surprisingly, he got closer to his jailer, tilting his head on a side. “You were saying about that kiss?” he asked then, feigning innocence. And like Daiki had said, all things truly wicked...

“I was saying that I'm supposed to torture you. Even talking to you is a bad idea. It makes this harder.” Daiki protested, but without belief.

“I can make it harder still.” Yamada replied readily. “Besides, if you want it to be torture, you can still do that. I could pretend to hate the fact that you’re kissing me. Or you could seduce me and then abandon me, make the torture more psychological. There’s a lot you can do to me, without even touching me.” he smiled, sultry. “And a lot you can do touching me.”

The moment Daiki’s lips were on his, he knew he had won.

All things truly wicked started from innocence. Too bad Yamada’s never had an ounce of that.

And if a few weeks in he had already managed to get his torturer to kiss him, he suspected he could survive hell just fine.

After all, it was where he truly belonged.


	9. City wander [Takaki/Inoo, Pirate!AU]

**Title:** City Wander

 **Pairing:** Takaki Yuya/Inoo Kei

 **AU:** Pirates

 **Prompt:**[9) Perfect is the enemy of good [Voltaire]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [269\. Blood and moon](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

It was a very hard life.

It was hard to be at sea, it was hard to deal with the crew, hard to keep them from killing each other.

Damn, most of the times it was hard to avoid killing them all himself.

Yuya was tired of all of that, even though he was never going to admit it. And, even if he had, what could he possibly do about it? The stories about pirates gathering enough treasure until they could retire somewhere to lead a nice life were just that. Stories.

With all of that, the last thing he needed was to have around a whiny, bitchy, insufferable brat like Inoo Kei.

He had been on the ship for just a few months, but it was already hard to remember how he had ended up there, or why it had looked such a great idea at the time.

Something about a ransom, about an untimely death of the man they were supposed to get the money from – Kei’s father or grandfather, Yuya couldn’t remember now – and they had ended up stuck with him.

Well. _He_ had ended up stuck with him, because everyone else in the crew, at the time, had voted to threw him to the sharks and be done with him.

But Yuya was captain. His vote didn’t matter more than the others’, it was the only thing that mattered at all.

“Where are we headed now?” the whiny voice came from a corner of his cabin, interrupting his train of thoughts in a really unpleasant way.

Yuya raised his eyes from the charts he was studying, his upper lip twitching.

“What do you care? We’re going somewhere. To steal something. From someone. I didn’t think it made any difference for you.”

Kei got up from the bed, stretching and adjusting what little clothes he had on.

Yuya breathed in deeply, suddenly remembering why he hadn’t fed him to the sharks. Damn, that annoying kid was probably the hottest thing he had seen in his life. Which was saying much.

“I usually don’t. But it’s starting to get cold out, I thought it would’ve been nice if we headed to the southern islands. Isn’t there anyone you can rob in Kyushu?” he asked, his voice bored.

Yuya rubbed his eyes, then got up and stood in front of him. The slight difference in height and the considerable difference in size made him feel better already.

“We’re going where I say we’re going.” he hissed. He squirmed a little then, uncomfortable. “But, well, yeah. We’re going south. But don’t get smug or anything, I’ve told the helmsman this afternoon already. Your stupid wishes have nothing to do with it.”

Little good it did him to ask Kei not to get smug. For being a little more than a hostage, he always felt as if he was the damn captain of the ship, not Yuya.

“Oh, really?” he asked, with a cocky smile. “Well, then I’m in luck. I was hoping I got to see some sun before winter hits.”

Yuya scoffed, ironic.

“With your complexion, the only thing you’re getting is a bad burn. And if you do, don’t bother coming to sleep in my bed, I like my man rare.” he mocked him, then went to sit on the mattress, trying to get some distance from him.

Of course, Kei wasn’t going to allow that, and went straight next to him, kneeling on the bed, leaning against him.

“Don’t be mean to me, _captain_. I'm bored as fuck, I’m just saying I might use a way to distract myself that doesn’t include being naked in your bed.” he smirked. “Which, by the way, you’d let me do regardless of how badly burnt I might be. Don’t pretend you’re not an animal.”

That was basically it for Yuya.

In the blink of an eye he got up and brought a hand to his throat, holding tight as he pushed him down on the mattress.

“I said stop being so smug. Don’t forget you’re still alive because of my _mercy_ , you little, ungrateful brat.” he hissed. “Besides, you didn’t even fight me when I first started fucking you. So don’t pretend you don’t get off on this as much as I.” he let him go, slowly, enjoying immensely the way the younger brushed his neck, a hurt look on his face.

“I didn’t say I mind.” he said, his voice less confident now. “I didn’t exactly have it good at home, okay? But I get how you wouldn’t understand it. You’re a damn thief and murderer, you live on a fucking piece of floating wood, so I suppose you think that everyone who lives between four stone walls got it better than you.” he spat the words, bitter. “It was far from perfect. I didn’t mind it when you kidnapped me, there wasn’t really much you could’ve done to me that my drunk, son of a bitch of a father hadn’t done a thousand times already.” he straightened up, trying to regain his composure.

Yuya kept quiet for a while.

He didn’t feel guilty, he had no reason to. He had stopped feeling any kind of remorse a very long time before, and he wasn’t going to resume doing that for Inoo Kei.

“So what? You figured you would’ve had it better on a ship with a bunch of pirates, spilling blood under the moon every other night, being the captain’s lass and live out your days like that?” he asked, sarcastic. “That doesn’t sound perfect either, if you ask me.”

Kei smiled now and, much to Takaki’s surprise, he caressed is face.

“Perfect is the enemy of good, my captain.” he told him. “My life looked perfect back home, and it was far from. It looks hideous now and, well. It’s not so bad.” 

“As long as I bring you sunbathing in Kagoshima, right?” Takaki asked, shaking his head. “You’re weird. I think you’re the weirdest hostage we’ve ever taken.”

Kei rolled his eyes, sighing, and then brought his face closer to the pirate’s.

“When are you going to acknowledge that I'm a part of the crew?” he asked, leaning over to press a kiss to his lips.

“Your contribution being?” Takaki replied promptly, unimpressed.

Inoo laughed, getting back and lying down on the bed, rolling among the covers.

“I keep the captain happy. Of course.”

Yuya was about to say something else, but he changed his mind and kept his mouth shut.

He was in too deep, he told himself. He was too much involved with that bratty, cocky, little idiot. Too involved for their situation to be ideal, to be perfect.

But as the kid had said, perfect was the enemy of good.

And, sure, Inoo Kei was damn good.


	10. Mae wo muke [Nakajima/Inoo, Apocalypse!AU]

**Title:** Mae wo muke (Let’s face forward)

 **Pairing:** Nakajima Yuto/Inoo Kei

 **AU:** Apocalypse

 **Prompt:**[10) The beautiful is always strange [Charles Baudelaire]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [441\. Abandoned by fate](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

He’s like it very much if he could wake up thinking something like ‘day seventy-two’ or stuff like that, but he can’t.

He’s lost count many, many days ago, and by now he only knows is another crappy day in that crappy shell of the world he used to know.

Yuto has always thought to be a tough man, someone who would never break in the face of danger nor hardship, but he’s long since lost that idea of himself.

He’s scared. Fucking so.

“Don’t think about it.”

When he raises his eyes he realizes Kei is looking at him, and he wonders how long he’s been doing that.

He grimaces.

“About what?” he asks, feigning innocence. He opens the door to try and get some fresh air in, but since the day it’s happened there’s always some sort of thin sand in the atmosphere, making it hard to breathe properly. He stands on the doorstep, his back carefully turned on the elder, who’s sitting at the table, writing something in that journal of his.

Sometimes, Yuto envies the way he keeps going through the days as if everything was still normal.

“About how unlucky we are, about how this situation sucks, about what we’ve lost and how we’re going to survive now that we’ve been abandoned by fate, or God, or whatever else you want to believe in. It doesn’t do you any good, you’ll just end up getting old faster.” Inoo says, putting the pen down and brushing his hands over his eyes, looking tired.

“Who says I wasn’t thinking about what a fine day this is?” Yuto replies, smirking, finally turning around enough to let the elder see him as well.

Kei returns the smile, crossing his arms.

“We’ve been stuck together since it began. I can say with some certainty that I'm the person who knows you better in the whole, wide world.” he says, and even though Yuto thinks that there should be some sadness in that, he’s glad that Inoo isn’t showing any.

“Okay, fine. That was the gist of what I was thinking.” he admits, then sighs. “Am I not allowed to think this sucks? Don’t _you_ think it sucks?” he asks then, challenging Kei to contradict him.

Inoo thinks about it for a moment, then he gets up and joins him on the threshold, looking at the desolate landscape in front of them.

“Of course it sucks.” he confirms. “Some days I wake up thinking I wish I was dead too, along everybody else. Sometimes I find it hard to get up and live because, honestly, what’s the point?” he keeps quiet for a moment, then he raises his eyes on Yuto and smiles. “But then I tell myself that it could’ve been worse. That I could’ve been completely alone, or in a much worse company then you. All in all, I think that I got lucky in my misfortune. That’s why I keep going on. Because...” he blushes, and it’s rare on him. “Because of you.”

There’s much Yuto wishes to answer to that, but he’s afraid he’s not going to find the words.

He had met Kei five days into the catastrophe, and if he thinks about those firsts hundred and twenty hours he’s spent completely alone he still feels the despair that has accompanied them.

Of course he’s glad he’s there. And not just because he’s another human being.

“Do you think we would’ve liked each other if we had met under other circumstances?” he asks then, instead of replying to his confession. It feels safer that way.

Inoo, surprisingly, laughs and shakes his head.

“You mean if we weren’t the only two survivors in who knows how many miles after the apocalypse?” he jokes. “Well, I honestly think we would’ve been at each other’s throat. That I would’ve thought you were a fussy, pedantic know-it-all, and that you would’ve thought I was an annoying, spoiled brat.” he answers, and Yuto notices some tenderness in his eyes that prevents him from getting mad at him. “But we haven’t met under other circumstances, have we? We’ve met in a world when we’re all we’re going to get. And if you’re asking me if we’re settling... I don’t think that’s the case. I think we’ve just overcome all of the stuff which would’ve made us hate each other, and we’ve forced ourselves to see the things we like, instead.” he shrugs, biting his lower lip. “Unless of course you’ve hated me this whole time and hid it really, really well. But, like I said, I think I know you by now. I would’ve noticed.”

Yuto rolls his eyes and waves his hand, annoyed.

“Of course I don’t hate you. And... I think you’re right. I think that if we had met in a world where we had all, we wouldn’t have wasted one minute on each other.” he smiles, timidly. “So... I'm kind of glad we haven’t met in that world. I get what you mean now.”

He promptly steps out of the shack, breathing in deeply. He doesn’t mind the dust right now, it’s still better than to stay there in front of Kei having _that_ conversation.

Inoo follows him from a few steps behind, and they keep walking in circle like that for a while.

Yuto wishes he could be more open with him, but that’s just not how he’s wired.

A few minutes into that weird stroll, Kei gasps in what sounds like amazement, and Yuto’s forced to turn around and look at him, even though is half sure it’s a trick.

As it turns out, it’s not.

“Look at that, Yutti.” the elder tells him, surprised. When Yuto gets closer, he sees him pointing at a small group – there’s four of them – of rodents. They’re chewing on the carcass of an old table, and whilst Yuto doubts it’s any good for them to eat, he smiles.

“Mice.” he says, shaking his head in disbelief. “Who would’ve thought we were going to get excited by the sight of mice trying to eat a piece of old, mouldy wood?”

Kei doesn’t even look up, too fascinated by what he’s seeing.

“They’re the first living things we’ve seen in forever. They’re… _beautiful_.” he says after having giving it some thought, and then he chuckles. “Oh, well. It’s not a great victory and – in another world – I would’ve said they’re gross and probably would’ve called an exterminator. But we have to adjust, don’t we? And besides...” he shrugs. “The beautiful is always strange.”

Yuto looks at him, and he smiles tenderly. Only because Kei isn’t watching.

“Indeed.” he whispers, and doesn’t make it in time to avert his eyes before Inoo sees him.

“You old, sappy thing.” he mocks him, taking a step toward him and pressing a very quick kiss to his lips. “It’s alright, you know? I figure we’ve got time to make you admit how you feel. I can wait.”

Yuto wants to admit that right now. He wants to say the words right there, in front of that family of rats, because it’s the most beautiful thing he’s seen in days, and it gives him hope.

Well, perhaps Kei’s a tad more beautiful than the rodents.

And Yuto just figures he has all the time in the world to tell him just that.


	11. Speed it up [Yabu/Inoo, Police!AU]

**Title:** Speed it up

 **Pairing:** Yabu Kota/Inoo Kei

 **AU:** Police

 **Prompt:**[11) Command who can and obey who will [Alessandro Manzoni]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [449\. From better to worse](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

Clock in. Sit at the desk, deal with the whole rainforest worth of paper, write down dates, numbers, names, absolutely _everything_ of interest until his hand cramps. Then get up, have some coffee, sneak up on the roof to smoke one because, for Christ’s sake, he’d die without. If he’s lucky maybe he’ll catch a glimpse of some real criminal in holding, someone brought in by true detective, something which right now he doesn’t feel he’s ever going to be.

Every single day at the academy Kei used to dream about what it was going to be like, being a cop.

He dreamt about chasing dangerous smugglers down at the docks, catching killers, dealing with the yakuza, diving deep into their crooked world and make it right. He dreamt about feeling he was making a difference.

He takes a very deep drag off of his cigarette, looking up at the sky. It’s greyish, which accompanies his mood pretty well. He puffs the smoke out slowly, watching the shapes it creates in front of him, and then he sighs.

He’s about to surrender and get back to his desk, to another useless report, but then he heard it.

The door to the roof is so old and rusty that he’s sure that even the police commissioner can hear it squeak from his fancy office downtown, but up until now no one’s ever come to tell him he’s not supposed to take a smoke break on the precinct’s roof.

Most likely, he thinks, no one cares. If he were to leave his desk unattended a little while longer, he’s sure the paperwork would just start filling itself on its own. That’s how invaluable his job is.

“I brought you coffee.” Yabu tells him, sitting on the steps next to him. He keeps quiet while he sips his own, giving Kei more time to ponder.

That’s routine too, but this he doesn’t mind.

Every day he comes here to smoke after his coffee, and every day Yabu brings him another one, knowing well he’s already had it, because he wouldn’t dream showing empty-handed. As if he needed to justify his presence there.

Well, Kei’s never told him he doesn’t have to, so there’s that.

He finishes his second coffee and grabs the cigarettes again, giving one to Kota, who takes it always too willingly, despite the fact that the very first day they met he has told Kei he’s quit.

“Right after you left, the captain got a call from downtown. Apparently they lost a suspect, and they think he might be around these parts. Wouldn’t it be nice if we were to find him? Those asses they call detectives would never recover from the shame of being beaten by a bunch of suburbs’ cops.” Yabu tells him, with a proud note in his voice.

Kei’s glad he’s managed to keep his pride until now.

“Yeah, right.” he scoffs, lighting the cigarette up. “Imagine this dangerous criminal entering a conbini right when we’re there, helping a nice old lady who thinks she’s getting screwed by the clerk. That’d be a hit. Maybe they’d give us a medal, who knows.” he ironizes, shaking his head. “Be real, Ko-chan. One of the detectives is going to catch him and we’re going to have to spend the rest of the month kissing their already overcrowded asses. This is how it works.”

Yabu shrugs, a grim look on his face.

“You know, sometimes I think I liked you better back at the academy.” he informs him, sounding exasperated. “At least you weren’t so disenchanted back then.”

Kei gets mad. For real. But he knows better than to show Yabu, or he’s going to have to deal with him pouting until the end of time, and he’s got no intention of doing that.

“What I don’t understand is how you manage to still have hope. I truly believe that there are mall cops with more responsibility than us. Do you remember training? It was hard as fuck, and every single day back at the dorms I kept telling you it was worth it, because we were working toward a goal.” he says, fast. “Well, where’s the goal now, Kota? What the hell did they have us work so hard for? Filling paper with the name of some petty thief’s great-grandmother?” he shakes his head. “If you have some big secret that you can share with me, please. I'm all ears. Tell me we’ve not just gotten from better to worse, hoping the good times were yet to come.” he says, crossing his arms and leaning against the steps, moving one leg nervously.

He expects Yabu to get mad at him, so it surprises him a lot when he laughs.

“Oh, so little Inoo Kei is sad because the captain doesn’t want to make him play with the big boys?” he mocks him, and all Kei want right now is to have enough strength to throw him off the roof. And then, if he were to turn himself in, he could finally say he’s caught a murderer. “I can’t believe you’re still bitching about the lack of responsibility. I know what we said at the academy, I know how we dreamt about this beautiful jobs and about how we were going to be the heroes of the community. But _of course_ it was never going to be like that, Kei-chan.” he sighs, then puts his arm around the younger’s shoulder. “Did you think they were going to have up make a few pull-ups, shoot our guns to some targets and then ship us off to save the world?” he asks, then looks at Kei.

The younger hates how much sense it makes, what he’s saying.

“I get it.” he mutters. “We’re still training. One day we’ll get there. I know all of that, of course I wasn’t expecting...” he makes a frustrated sound, and gets up. “I'm just tired of feeling useless. I feel angry all the time, sometimes I just wish I could come in one morning and punch all of those jerks in the face for the way they treat us. How are we supposed to learn something if we’re stuck behind a desk and if all they do is mock us for that?” 

The elder laughs again, and by now Kei isn’t even bothered by that anymore.

“You know, that attitude might very well be one of the reasons why no one bothers explaining stuff to you. You’re not an easy person to be with, you know?” he says, but he’s still smiling, so Kei doesn’t really take him seriously.

“Well, I most certainly refuse to be a lapdog like you.” Kei snorts. “Command who can and obey who will, Ko-chan. And I just won’t.” he grimaces. “Besides, I thought you didn’t have that many problems being with me.” he remarks. 

Yabu rolls his eyes, then he stands up too and put his hands down on the younger’s shoulders, looking straight into his eyes.

“I don’t. But I'm just very patient.” he jokes. “Don’t worry, Kei-chan. When I'm going to be captain of this dump, I’ll make sure to throw a couple interesting cases your way. You won’t even have to obey me.”

Kei steps on his foot, hard, but the elder barely notices.

“By the time you’ll make captain, I’ll have already gone rogue. And I'm going to screw you over so bad.”

He knows it’s a poor choice of words the moment he says that, but there’s no taking that smug look off of Yabu’s face now.

“ _You_ screwing _me_?” he asks, barely managing to avoid laughing. “That’d be a first.”

Kei’s had enough. He wriggles out of his hold and goes toward the door, deeply irritated.

“You better come back inside. We’ve got a suspect to look for and a few stupid cops downtown to put to shame.” he tells Yabu, without turning around to look at him. He knows he’s smiling, he knows he’s going to keep hearing about this when they’ll make it back home, but right now he doesn’t really care.

He’s got a job to do. Whatever that is right now.


	12. Time [Yaotome/Inoo, Hospital!AU]

**Title:** Time

 **Pairing:** Yaotome Hikaru/Inoo Kei

 **AU:** Hospital

 **Prompt:**[12) Man is sometimes extraordinarily, passionately in love with suffering [Fëdor Dostoevskij]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [404\. When the river runs dry](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

The days were all awfully similar, in that place.

Hikaru had expected it to be different, but somehow he was glad they weren’t.

The way he had imagined it, there were doctors running down the aisles, rushing to go save lives, yelling to nurses as they ran with gurneys toward surgery, coming out covered in blood giving good or bad new to anxious family members.

It had yet to happen, and he had been there for weeks now.

He walked lazily toward the break room, leaning very close to the wall. He liked to pretend it was to be out of everyone’s way, but he was aware of the fact he might’ve needed the actual physical support.

“How are we feeling today, Yaotome-kun?”

The voice was always cheerful, too much to be true. Hikaru sincerely doubted nurse Inoo could actually be that happy, walking around all day in a hospital, seeing sick people get sicker and eventually die.

But he smiled back, because he couldn’t help it. Inoo always brought that in him.

“Same as yesterday.” he said, stopping to wait for him to catch up. “Which I suppose is the best possible news in my case, isn’t it?” he smirked, then gladly accepted Inoo’s arm to hold on to as they started walking again.

“I suppose so.” the nurse said, carefully. “But I also think you might feel better if you were to have a more positive attitude.”

Hikaru rolled his eyes, and didn’t reply.

That was always the case, with him. All the other nurses and doctors smiled to him and basically agreed with everything he had to say. They seemed to think that nothing was going to change his condition, and Hikaru happened to think that too.

Inoo wasn’t like that. He had started an open battle against Hikaru’s wish to just let go and let the disease run its course, and after all that time he had yet to surrender.

When they reached the break room Hikaru sat down on an armchair, looking at him hopefully.

“Are you free to drink a tea with me or do you have to get back to work?” he asked, trying not to look to anxious.

Inoo smiled again, softly.

“I’ve got a half-hour break. You’re lucky.” he told him, before starting making tea.

Hikaru felt antsy, somehow. It was good, though; that weird sensation right in the pit of his stomach was one of the last thing left to make him feel alive.

“Is it really a break from work if you spend it with me?” he asked him, trying to sound cheerful, something that lately hadn’t come too easy to him.

Inoo chuckles, infusing the tea and handing him the cup.

“As long as I don’t need to place an IV and we talk like friends, it’s not work.” he reassured him, sitting in front of him on the couch and starting to stir his tea.

“Does that mean I get to have a whole conversation that’s not about why I'm here?” Hikaru asked feigning disbelief.

“I said like friends, not like strangers. Don’t your friends ask about your health when they come visit you?” Inoo pointed out, looking careful again.

Hikaru was tired of people tip-toeing around him, but since the nurse did that less than most, he let that slide.

“They do. But that doesn’t mean I like it.” he sighed. “Sometimes I wish I could just pretend nothing’s wrong, even for just a little while. To sit with someone, like right now, and talk about futile stuff, making plans for stuff I won’t get to do, pretending I'm the picture of health.” he chuckled, embarrassed. “Is it childish?”

Inoo scoffed, shaking his head.

“ _Please_.” he said. “When I first started here, I liked to pretend too, you know? I saw sick people and I lied to myself, saying they were here for a bad cough or something like that. I made it up case by case.” he sighed. “It helped not taking the job back home with me. But it couldn’t last forever.” his voice got lower, and Hikaru knew he was thinking about something in particular.

“What made the bubble burst?” he asked, knowing the answer already, knowing he didn’t want to hear it, but unable to stop himself from asking anyway.

It took Kei a while to answer.

“The first patient we lost.” he murmured then, flat. “There was no lie big enough to tell myself then. And I realized I couldn’t go on like that, that I couldn’t make up stories and that I needed to find another way to cope. So I did.” he shrugged, in a better mood now.

“Please, enlighten me. How do you cope?” Hikaru was eager to know, but at the same time he was aware that there’s was nothing good enough for him to cope as well.

The nurse got up from the couch and went sitting on the armrest of Hikaru’s armchair, looking straight into his eyes.

“I cope like I wish patients would. I tell myself that in some cases death is inevitable, but that it doesn’t mean that one can’t still live his life. So I try and do my best so that people here do whatever they can with the hand they’ve been dealt. Without...” he grinned, mischievously. “Without wallowing around the hospital wishing to pretend they weren’t sick at all.”

Hikaru took the hit, and not gracefully.

“On the other hand, your position can’t be the same as the patients. You get to go home every night, knowing you’re going to do that for a very long time. You get to make actual plans, you get to live however you please. Hell, you get to walk around without needing help to just stand up.” he licked his lips, wondering whether he’d gone too far. But Kei was still listening to him and he didn’t look mad, so he went on. “It’s a horrible feeling. I’m in no pain, currently, but I feel like I'm being draining, like a river that’s running dry. Every day I'm a little weaker, and getting weaker reminds me I'm walking toward the end. And there’s nothing I can do to eradicate the thought from my mind, there’s nothing to help me sleep, to help me spend my days here in a more positive manner. So don’t tell me to accept death and live my life to the fullest while I can, because that’s absurd.” he finished, bitter.

Inoo thought about it for a while, sipping his tea. When he seemed to have reached a conclusion he nodded vigorously and, against all odds, he smiled again.

“Man is sometimes so extraordinarily, passionately in love with suffering.” he said, without traces of mockery in his tone. “I realize how hard it is, even though of course I can’t even begin to imagine how it must feel. But, to me, it’s like you want to be miserable. You want to avoid spending even just one pleasant moment, because then it’d be too hard to stand the idea of not being able to keep doing that.” he licked his lips, thoughtful. “You’re right, I get to go back home every night. And that’s hell too, trust me.” he put the cup down on the coffee table in front of the armchair and then sat on it, leaning over to be as close to Hikaru as possible. “You get to go, Yao... Hikaru-kun. And I will keep remembering you every single day, just like I remember every single one of the people I’ve lost.” he smirked, sadly. “Well... maybe even a little better than most.” he admitted.

“Sucks being you.” Hikaru replied, and he felt childish and petty and idiotic, but he couldn’t help it.

Inoo only laughed again.

“It does, trust me.” he assured him. “So here’s the thing: I can either remember this guy I kind of liked being moody and desperate and agonizing till the end, or I can either remember this guy I liked a lot, who fought to do something with the time he had left, even if that only meant to sit in a cold break room talking to some annoying nurse.” he too looked antsy now, and that made Hikaru feel better. “I gave you the option, but it’s up to you to choose the narrative.”

Hikaru frowned, crossing his arms.

“So, let me see if I understood.” he said, tilting his head. “You want me to stop wallowing and feeling hopeless so that the day I die you can go back home and smile thinking of me?” he scoffed, amused. “You’re unbelievable.”

“Well, I found that the worst of your condition is the lack of purpose. So I'm giving you one. You can spend your time making me happy. It’s a very noble goal, it’s selfless and it might even get you a last-minute spot in heaven, if you play it right.”

And Hikaru couldn’t take it anymore.

He laughed. He laughed and laughed and laughed, and that made him feel even weaker, but it was a different kind of weakness. It was something he could live with.

“Deal.” he said in the end, looking straight into his eyes and smiling. “I’ll try to ease up on the wallowing. And I’ll be more than pleasant with you, that I can promise.” he got serious again, feeling awkward all of a sudden. “I would really like for you to remember me.” he murmured then.

Kei put his hands on Hikaru’s, nodding almost solemnly.

“I promise you, Yaotome Hikaru-kun.” he said. “I will always take you with me whenever I go back home from this place. I will always remember the time you’ve spent with me.” he grimaced. “No matter how you choose to spend it.”

Hikaru chuckled, leaning forward to get even closer to him.

“Well, then.” he whispered. “I'm ready for the last of my days.” he smiled. “Kei.”

He was going to be that guy Kei liked a lot, who fought to do something with the time he had left. Who fought to spend it with that nurse he definitely liked a lot.


	13. Koro sensation [Yabu/Yamada, Sports!AU]

**Title:** Koro sensation

 **Pairing:** Yabu Kota/Yamada Ryosuke

 **AU:** Sport

 **Prompt:**[13) How quick come the reasons for approving what we like [Jane Austen]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [326\. Dashed against a rock](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

Football’s a competitive business, Yamada has always known that.

He’s more than ready for it. Well, more than that, he _thrives_ under that kind of stress, and he doesn’t even mind the looks his teammates throw him from time to time.

He’s good, they can deal with it however they want, he won’t start playing bad so that they won’t feel inadequate.

The only thing he wishes, really, is to be able to feel like that towards _all_ of them, but it’s not quite the case.

Yabu, the captain, is better than the others in so many way and Ryosuke figures he’s not jealous at all, but being one to keep to himself, he’s never being really open with him either. And Yamada would love nothing more.

He always tries to get closer to him, tries to talk to him, to joke, but he’s always met with warm smiles and not much more.

He’s tired of it.

“Good work everyone!” he cheers as he enters the locker room right after training. Some of his teammates smile back, some don’t even bother turning around to acknowledge his presence.

Oh, well. He doesn’t really care.

When he realizes most of them is leaving toward the showers, whilst Yabu’s still sitting, typing something on his phone, he sees the perfect chance.

He’s not willing to stand around waiting anymore.

“Hey, Yabu-kun.” he says, cheerfully, sitting down next to him. The elder raises his eyes, a little surprised by his initiative. But, at the very least, he’s polite enough to put down his phone and smile back to him.

“Good work today, Yamada-kun.” he tells, and he sounds only slightly uncomfortable. He waits for the younger to say something else, and when he doesn’t he goes on. “It’s really impressive, the way you manage to get away from your marker. Sometimes I think even the coach’s impressed.” he confesses, and then blushes a little. Yamada, then decides to help and starts talking.

“It’s nothing, really. Believe it or not, I just got lucky my little league coach was really into making us all top players. In second grade.” he chuckles, shaking his head. “Aren’t you joining the guys?” he asks then, nodding toward the showers.

It’s a pretty innocent – and somehow dumb – question, but for some reasons it seems to give Yabu something to think about.

He plays with the phone in his hands for a few moments, staring intently at it, and then he finally decides to look at him again.

“I'm sorry, you know?” he says, his voice calm. “About the way they treat you. I’ve tried to talk to them at first but...” he shrugs.

“Boys will be boys?” Yamada says with a smirk, shaking his head. “Thank you, really. But don’t make it a bigger deal than it actually is. Do I wish they’d like me better? Of course I do. But I really love to play, and that’s what I'm here for. And if my whole time here I don’t manage to get anyone to like me, well...” he sighs. “That wouldn’t be nice. But I won’t lose sleep over it.”

Yabu looks still thoughtful, and Ryosuke wonders why. He’s the oldest one of them all, so Yamada realizes he must think it’s his task to make everyone behave, but it’s really not. If the guys want to resent him for being good, let them.

“You know you’re very good, of course.” Yabu starts speaking again after some pondering.

“You’re saying I brag about it and that’s why they hate me? Because I try really hard not to.” he replies quickly, and at least he manages to make the elder laugh now.

“You don’t brag. But there’s no need to.” he sighs deeply, then shakes his head. “They just need to get to know you. Everyone’s sceptical when they first meet someone new, go figure if they’re so much better than them. They need time to see you as one of the team. And then everything’s going to be okay.” he smiles then, awkwardly. “And even if they don’t, you shouldn’t worry. I think there’s going to be at least one man on your side on the team.” he adds, lowering his eyes again as he does.

Yamada is floored. He feels like he’s been dashed against a rock, broken to pieces and then put back again wrong.

He really doesn’t want to read too much into it, but it’s already too late. He has.

“Oh.” he comments, feeling quite stupid. “So maybe I should ask that man why he approves me, so that I can work on it with the other guys.” he suggests, unable to avoid looking just a little bit smug.

Yabu rolls his eyes, and looks at him again.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. The reasons for approving what we already like come really too quickly.”

And there’s no way Yamada can misread that.

“That’s good too.” he says, and now he feels less smug and more self-conscious. “Then I guess I don’t need anyone else to like me, do I? As long as I have the captain’s approval, the herd’s going to come to its senses, eventually.”

The elder laughs again, and Yamada finds himself liking it even better now.

“I guess.” he confirms. “As long as I forget to mention to them that you called them sheep.”

Now. Now it’s his moment, Ryosuke knows it.

“So?” he gets closer, tilting his head on a side. Because his skills aren’t really limited to the football field. “What do I have to do to make you forget to mention it to them?”

Yabu doesn’t expect it, but he doesn’t back down. He smiles to him, mimicking the mischievousness on the younger’s face.

“Dinner would be a good start.”

Yamada nods a couple of times, as if lost in thought, even though he’s never had a clearer mind.

“I guess I could do that.” he caves easily. “Wouldn’t want to lose favour with the only one here who likes me.”

“Did I ever say it was me?” Yabu mocked him, getting up and starting to walk toward the showers, his eyes still on the younger.

“It will be after dinner.”

He shouldn’t brag, really. About how good he’s at football, about how good he’s at other stuff too.

But it’s worth the way Yabu missteps and almost falls hearing that, it’s worth the way he blushes and rushes to leave the room.

Besides, well. He already likes him. The reasons to overlook Yamada’s flaws will come as quickly as the reason to approve him.


	14. Su.Ri.Ru [Yabu/Inoo, Office!AU]

**Title:** Su.Ri.Ru

 **Pairing:** Yabu Kota/Inoo Kei

 **AU:** Office

 **Prompt:**[14) I would always rather be happy than dignified [Charlotte Brontë]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [380\. Iron gate](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

Kei wasn’t sure about a lot of things.

He wasn’t sure he wanted to do that boring job for the rest of his life, he wasn’t sure whether he should quit and go find something else, and make do in the meantime. He wasn’t even sure what he was going to have for dinner, at the moment.

The one thing he was absolutely sure about, was that he _hated_ his boss. With a passion.

He loathed him. He wished him all the ill possible, he wanted him to scream at him, tell him he was just a stuck-up son of a bitch convinced that money could buy just anything, spending the whole day sitting in that chair that cost more than Kei’s rent, barking orders to his employees as if he was king of the world and...

Right then, he realized he had been staring at his computer without doing anything for a long while, but it didn’t matter. No one was there in the office with him.

So he had made one little, tiny mistake which mustn’t have cost the company more than 10.000 yens, but of course Yabu Kota was never going to let that slide.

So while every single one of his colleagues had left at six to go enjoy their weekends, Kei was stuck there for at least another couple of hours, trying to catch up with all of the backlog since the company had been founded. Twenty-six years before.

It was going to be hell.

“If I wanted you to stare into space and be unproductive, I would’ve sent you home with all the others.”

That voice. It could only mean that the iron gate had opened and that the king had come to wreak havoc on his subjects. And Kei being the only one there just meant that all of his wrath was going to be unleashed upon him.

“I was just thinking about a more _productive_ way to do the work, Yabu-san.” he said, gritting his teeth, without even turning around to look at him.

A lot of good that did to him. Yabu just went next to him, leaning against his desk and crossing his arms.

“I didn’t know you were capable of thinking, Inoo-san. You’ve been very good up until now, pretending all you can do is entering data in a computer. Something for which they have machines, you know, but here we like human warmth.” he mocked him, as he kept looking at him. “So? Where did staring at the screen get you? Will you be able to finish by Sunday night or do we have to do this again next weekend?”

Kei gave it some genuine thought.

Even if he wanted to quit, he was sure that Yabu was mean enough to sue him, if he would’ve thrown his chair at him. So his only viable options were to answer politely or kill him.

Since he didn’t want to deal with the mess of blood and fingerprints and whatnot, he went with the first.

“If you really want me to deal with all of the backlog from the sales department, I think I'm going to be here every weekend until I die.” he said, trying to sound funny instead of sarcastic. But it didn’t really matter; he was sure Yabu wasn’t listening anyway.

By the corner of his eye he saw he was staring at him, but that instead of making him even angrier, made him feel uncomfortable, for some reason. And nervous, very much so.

“Well, if I have to be stuck here every weekend checking on the work of an absent-minded employee, at least I'm glad he’s pleasant to look at.” Yabu said then, and it took Kei all of his self-control not to fall off his chair.

He froze for a moment, before daring to look up.

“I'm sorry, I'm sure I heard wrong.” he hissed, his face a very deep shade of red.

Now that he was looking at him, he had a nice view of Yabu’s full-on smirk, which only made him want to punch him harder.

Not before finding out what the hell he was talking about, though.

“Inoo-san...” the elder started saying, before shaking his head. “Well, it’s just you and me, would you mind it terribly if I called you Kei?” he didn’t wait for him to answer though, and he went on. “You’re usually at least twenty minutes late in the morning. You call in sick more than most people in this department. Your work is sloppy and you clearly have no passion for it. And I'm sure you’ve noticed I'm not in the charity business, so you must’ve asked yourself why I haven’t fired your pretty little ass yet.” he shrugged, the smirk never leaving his face. “Half the people here is over fifty, and the other half is so ugly that I really don’t think they should be allowed out. I don’t care how you do your job, is good to have something pretty to look at when I'm forced to be here around you peons.”

Kei opened his eye wide, bewildered.

“ _Please_.” he said. “Keep doing this. Nothing would give me much pleasure than sue you for sexual harassment.” he threatened, because now there was nothing forcing him to continue being polite.

Yabu chuckled, anyway, not affected by the threat at all.

“No, _you_ please. Come on, do you really want to make me believe this doesn’t flatter you at all?” he scoffed. “I'm not an idiot, you know? I actually realize people here hate my guts, and I don’t care one bit. No, even more than that, I _enjoy_ the fact that they hate me. Must mean I'm doing a good job.” he smirked, lowering his head so that he could look Kei straight in the eyes. “So tell me now, isn’t it good, on some level, that the big, bad boss finds you attractive? Isn’t it nice to have such a power on me? If I were you, I’d use it instead of threatening meaningless legal recourses that will never lead anywhere.”

Kei still felt uncomfortable, more than angry, and deep down he knew why. And it made him so mad at himself that he only wished to bang his head against the desk, _hard_.

“The only thing that really pleases me, is to see the big, bad boss making a fool of himself like this. One would think that being the head of a company this big you’d have more dignity and self-respect than to go casually say to an employee they’re pretty to look at.” he hissed, sliding the chair back and getting on his feet, tired of the position of inferiority.

Yabu shrugged, as if what he had said didn’t even matter.

“I would always rather be happy than dignified. The fact that I'm the head on such a big company only means I have to care less about appearances than all of you. You’re not actually suing and there’s no one above me that will fire me.” he smiled, and this time it felt less like a mockery. “Besides, I'm not really harassing you. I'm not asking you to sleep with me or you’ll lose your job, I'm not touching and I'm not leering. I'm just pointing out that you’re a beautiful man. If anything, it’s a compliment.”

That only made him worse, in Kei’s mind. He really wished he would’ve just grabbed his ass, so he could go to the police, or the board, or his colleagues and tell them what an ass Yabu Kota was.

This was different.

“Well then, _thank you_.” he said, ironic. “Does the fact that I'm a beautiful man at least balance out my mistake? Because I'm going crazy with this numbers, I could really use a break right now.” he said, in what he hoped was an allusive way; he was sure, anyway, that he wasn’t going to win this game. Not against Yabu.

The elder laughed, deeply amused.

“I _could_ tell you that you can stop working, if you accept to go to dinner with me. But, see, that would definitely constitute coercion and harassment, and even though I don’t care about my dignity, I do care about integrity.” he grabbed a chair and sat at the desk next to Inoo’s. “So here’s the deal: you keep working last month’s numbers, I take a look at this month’s and _then_ I take you to dinner. How about that?”

Kei grimaced, sitting back in front of his computer.

“I fail to see what I gain there.” he commented, still forcing himself not to divert his eyes from his boss.

Yabu leaned forward and smiled to him one more time.

“That you won’t have to work alone. And dinner with me. I can be very pleasant once I’m out of here, I swear.”

Kei knew what the answer needed to be. He despised thee man, _loathed_ him, wanted to see him suffer, to punch him, to yell at him and...

“Fine.” he muttered in the end. “We better hurry, then. I'm starving.” and just like that he went back to work, now unable to keep looking at him, knowing his dignity was long gone.

But, well. He wasn’t sure he was going to keep doing that job forever, so what did he really have to lose?

Besides, he’d always much rather be happy than dignified.


	15. Never let you go [Yamada/Chinen, Ghosts!AU]

**Title:** Never let you go

 **Pairing:** Yamada Ryosuke/Chinen Yuri

 **AU:** Ghosts

 **Prompt:**[15) Too long a sacrifice can make a stone of the heart [William Butler Yeats]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [469\. Echoes of bondage](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

Wake up, whine, toss and turn, sit on the bed, get up, wash his teeth, his face. Once. Twice. Look into the mirror, check that he was still him and then start his day, pretending everything was still normal.

From time to time, Yamada would’ve loved to send the image in the mirror to work instead of him, in order to be able to spend his whole day home, with his favourite company in the world, the one who never followed outside.

But today it was different. It was Sunday, he could very well afford to stay inside. To stay safe.

To stay with him.

“Hi.” he said as soon as he opened his eyes, glancing at Yuri’s blurry shape, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Good morning.” the younger replied with a smile. “You looked like you were sleeping well.”

Yamada sat up and recovered his glasses, anxious to put them on to get a better look at Chinen.

“I was.” he told him, tilting his head and studying his expression, lost in thought. “I’ve been looking forward to today for a while. I can’t believe I get to spend it all with you.”

Yuri sighed and rolled his eyes, getting up.

“You should eat something first. Wouldn’t want you to run out of energies.” he mocked him, heading toward the kitchen.

Ryosuke wanted to get up, reach for him, grab his wrist and stop him from going anywhere. Keep him the whole day in bed, be with him and nothing else.

He knew he couldn’t do that. 

When he got in the kitchen he found Yuri standing in the corner, and his will to stay home almost faded.

He had that look on his face. It was a smile, but it wasn’t the smile Yamada was used to.

It was sad.

“I wish I could ask you if you want something for breakfast. Feels rude to eat alone.” he whispered, knowing how sad his words were, but he wasn’t surprised when Yuri laughed.

“On the other hand, breakfast’s always been the meal I liked the least. I ate that just because I knew you wanted me to.” he sighed, waiting patiently for the elder to have made himself tea and some rice to eat with leftover tamagoyaki. As soon as Yamada sat at the table, he got closer. “I wish you would, you know? Have breakfast with somebody.”

Yamada stopped his chopsticks mid-air and raised his eyes to glare at him.

“I am. I don’t really need someone to eat with me, just the company’s fine.” he muttered, as he tried to will himself to swallow the rice, feeling as though he was eating stones instead.

“You know what I mean, Ryosuke. It’s been five months, I don’t think you...”

“Shut up.” the elder hissed, putting the chopsticks down and breathing deeply. He didn’t need this. “I know exactly what you mean. And it’s ridiculous. You’re here, aren’t you? I don’t need anything else.”

Yuri rolled his eyes, as if they were talking about something trivial.

“I’d really love to be able to sit in front of you right now.” he murmured, shaking his head. “When I was in the hospital, remember? You promised me. You promised you were going to try to be happy.”

Yamada felt a weird sensation at that. There was sadness, guilt. Denial, mostly.

“When I did, I thought I was never going to see you again. I would’ve tried, then. Now I just don’t need to.”

Yuri closed his eyes for a moment, and Ryosuke was sure that he would’ve cried, if he could’ve.

“I'm dead, Ryosuke.” he murmured as soon as he opened them again, a stone-cold look on his face. “I’ve been dead for months. You knew I was going to die. The fact that you keep seeing me, the fact that you keep loving me doesn’t mean you have to be cling on to these echoes of bondage, that you have to be tied with a ghost for your whole life.” he rushed forward, and Yamada saw him put a hand on top of his. It was cold, horribly so, and it was all he felt. “You need someone you can touch, Ryo. Someone who can eat breakfast with you, someone to go out with, someone to sleep with. You don’t need me. Not anymore.” he pursed his lips and paused, as if he was trying to gather the courage to say what he needed to. “I think you should let me go now.” he whispered in the end, lowering his eyes.

Yamada had kept quiet during the whole speech. He had kept hoping it was heading somewhere else, but he knew he couldn’t really have expected anything better than that.

“You don’t know what I need.” he brushed his face, hard, as if he was trying to hurt himself; then he got up and stood in front of the younger. “I’ve resented you, do you know that? From the moment you’ve died to the one I’ve seen you again, I’ve resented you for dying. I kept thinking you couldn’t have really done that do me, I _hated_ you for having left.” he sighed, shaking his head. “But you haven’t, Yuri. You haven’t left. And I love you now as I loved you when you were alive. Isn’t that more important than touching or eating or having sex?” he asked, knowing already his weapons were weak.

He had never won an argument with Yuri. He was sure he wasn’t going to start now.

“It is.” Yuri admitted, and then there was that smile again, and Ryosuke started despising it. “But living’s even more important than loving, Ryo. And you can’t say you’re living if you’d rather spend your time with a dead man than with someone who’s still alive.”

Ryosuke felt the tears, and he cursed between his teeth. He knew what they meant. They meant Yuri was right, and that there was nothing he could say to change that.

“Are you real?” he found the courage to ask, and the smile on the younger’s face was more pleasant to bear now.

“How would I know? I feel real.” he shook his head. “But even if I was a figment of your imagination, my answer would be the same. Though you’ve always been stubborn and afraid to let go, so I guess your imagination wouldn’t say this stuff to you.”

“And my imagination would’ve made you a lot less annoying.” Yamada replied promptly, the tears still flowing. “I don’t want to let go of you, Yuri. It isn’t fair.”

Chinen got closer to him and raised his hand. Yamada felt the cold touch over his cheek, and tried his hardest to trick his mind into thinking it was real, that he was actually touching him.

“It isn’t fair to let me stay either.” the younger told him, firm. “You’re trying to cling to me so that you won’t have to admit that it’s over. So that you can keep whatever paranoid guilt you’d have at bay.” he shook his head. “Too long a sacrifice can make a stone of the heart, Ryo. I don’t want you to wake up one day and find out you’re incapable of loving anymore.”

Yamada smiled. He was sure it was the same smile he despised on Yuri.

“I didn’t make you up. I couldn’t have made you so sappy.” he joked, drying the tears off his face. “I _will_ meet you again, I hope you know that. And that you’ll be waiting for me.”

Yuri winced, as he stepped away, getting a good look at him.

“I know we will. That’s why I wish that you’ll meet someone and be happy, but I don’t want that someone to be the love your life. I’ll be that for you on the other side.” he suggested, and Yamada was sure he would’ve blushed, if he could’ve.

“Deal.” he murmured, tender.

All of a sudden, he didn’t feel sad anymore.

~

“Yamada-san? The director asked...”

Ryosuke wasn’t even listening to his boss’s secretary. He didn’t listen much these days.

He couldn’t wait to punch out and go home. Or maybe he was going to ask one of his friends to drink something together, he still had to decide. He should’ve honoured his promise to find someone, and he wasn’t going to do that by sitting home alone.

Yes, he decided. He was going out.

He definitely needed to keep busy for the time he had left on earth. And in order to have plenty of stuff to tell to the love of his life, on the other side.


	16. I/O [Yaotome/Chinen, Serial killers!AU]

**Title:** I/O

 **Pairing:** Yaotome Hikaru/Chinen Yuri

 **AU:** Serial killers

 **Prompt:**[16) Learning to fly away everything, that he might have nothing to lose [Johann Goethe]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [194\. Into the world of night](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

Killing was easy. Hikaru had always thought that.

Killing was something impersonal for him. It was something of a second nature, something thrilling, knowing that he could end a life whenever he wanted to.

He defied clichés. His parents had always loved him, he didn’t have any weird uncle who used to fondle him when he was a kid. He wasn’t addicted to any drugs or anything like that.

There was no reason for him to enjoy killing people, other than he did.

So, killing was easy. Living was not. Being with other people was not.

Loving was not.

“It’s really late, Hikaru. Why don’t you come to bed? If you make it in the next half an hour, maybe I can make it worth your while.”

He raised his eyes on Yuri and smiled.

“As promising as that sounds, I think I’ll pass.” he replied, stretching his arms and getting away from the computer as if it was his sworn enemy. “I don’t think I’d have the strength. Besides, you look tired. I wouldn’t want you to fall asleep in the middle of it.” he joked.

“One time, that happened!” Chinen complained, wincing. “Well, come anyway. I get nervous when you leave me to sleep alone.”

Hikaru got up and followed him, tamely.

Did it really made him feel better to lie next to a man who had killed dozens of people?

Yuri knew, cause Hikaru had told him. He knew, because Hikaru had tried to kill him too.

At first, it had been hard for him not to think the younger was only trying to save his own life, but then he had realized it wasn’t that at all.

Yuri got off on it. _Really_ got off on it.

He would’ve never put his hands around someone’s throat to feel the life slowly slipping away from them, he would’ve never aimed a knife at another human being, and yet every time Hikaru did he was there waiting for him at home, anxious to know every sordid detail of it.

Hikaru was sure he should’ve felt glad to have found someone to share every aspect of his life with, but instead it creeped him out. A lot.

He lied in bed, feeling a little better already. He tried to focus on what had happened that afternoon, because it usually calmed him down to think about someone losing his life because of him, but that didn’t do the trick either this time.

“So?” Yuri asked then, slightly antsy.

“So what?”

He knew what was coming. And he dreaded it.

“How was today? Anything fun?” the younger insisted with a smirk, knowing all too well how Hikaru had spent his day. By now, he knew the signs.

“It was a man.” Hikaru told him, laconic, hoping he would let go.

Of course he didn’t.

“Well, that’s it? It was a man and what? How did you do it? Did he say something? Did he realize he was going to die or did you catch him off guard?”

Hikaru liked what he did, a lot. But still, he wasn’t so out of his mind not to realize that it was horrifying. The way Yuri talked about it as if it was something mundane made him sick to his stomach, and in time had managed to made him love him a little less each time. Until all that was left was fear.

“He begged, but they always do. I had a knife, so he didn’t really try to fight it off. But I chocked him instead of stabbing him, because I wanted him to _feel_ he was dying.” he replied, as if he was telling him about a boring day at the office. “This has to stop, Yuri.” he said then, as if he had no control whatsoever over his own words.

Yuri frowned, sitting up and looking straight at him.

“What has to stop? Don’t tell me you’re thinking about turning yourself in. You’ve been doing this for years, you should...”

“Not me.” Hikaru interrupted him. “You.”

The younger opened his eyes wide, in disbelief.

“Me?” he repeated, confused. “I should stop what? Asking? I thought it would’ve been nice for you to have someone to talk to. Someone who doesn’t judge you.”

Hikaru scoffed, feeling angrier and angrier.

“But you _should_ judge me.” he said, gritting his teeth. “You should think it’s appalling and disgusting. If you still want to be with me, fine, but you shouldn’t condone what I do.” he licked his lips, trying to calm himself down. “You’ve delved into the world of night and pretended you were doing it for me, but it’s not like that. You’ve found me just like I’ve found you. I needed someone who was okay with me being a murderer and you needed someone to let you indulge in your sickness.” he spat the words, realizing how he had felt these past months as he spoke.

Yuri looked at him as if he was a cockroach, and that made him feel slightly better.

“ _I_ have a sickness?” he hissed. “You kill people for kicks and I have a sickness?” he asked, incredulous. “You know, back then I sincerely thought you were a nut-job. That you were one of those people who daddy didn’t love enough, and who had chosen to take that out on the rest of humanity.” he sucked his lips in, uncomfortable. “But you’re not, are you? You’re just scared of people. You can’t stand the fact that you don’t know how to be with them, so you’ve learnt to push everything away, so that you won’t have anything to lose.”

Hikaru kept staring at him for the longest while, pondering.

Learning to fly away everything, that he might have nothing to lose.

It fit. It fit perfectly, and he knew Chinen was right.

He also knew he was dead wrong, though.

“If I can’t be with people, I shouldn’t be with you either.” he said, flat, kneeling on the mattress and leaning toward him. “My first instinct with you was right. The fact that we’ve spent this time together has only been a glitch.”

Yuri knew him well enough that he should’ve known what was coming, but he stayed there anyway.

It was easy for Hikaru, then, to overpower him, to make him end with his back against the mattress, the hands around his throat.

“Maybe you’re just suicidal.” he told the younger, shaking his head. “You should’ve known it was always going to end up like this.”

“I'm sick.” Yuri replied, unwilling to give in to fear. “Maybe the fact that you’re killing me gets me off as much as anything else.”

Hikaru had always thought that killing was easy, and it was. He had always known that there was something wrong with him, but he wasn’t crazy. Not like Yuri.

Killing was easy. Loving was not.

He had loved Yuri enough that killing him was the hardest thing he had ever done in his whole life. But he did it nonetheless.


	17. White love [Takaki/Inoo, Mental institution!AU]

**Title:** White love

 **Pairing:** Takaki Yuya/Inoo Kei

 **AU:** Mental institution

 **Prompt:**[17) He had loved and had found himself. Most people love to lose themselves. [Hermann Hesse]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [322\. Wandering hidden paths](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

“The sensei told me I shouldn’t beat myself up too much about it. He said that just thinking about doing it is a setback in itself, but that the fact that I didn’t actually try to do it for real means I'm getting better.” Yuya scoffs, ironically. “I think he has no idea what he’s talking about. But if I’m improving, in any way, that means that his hard work studying psychiatry hasn’t been thrown down the drain.” he raises his eyes on Kei, smiling. “What does he tell you when you’re together? I suppose he can’t really say you’ve improved. But neither he can say you’ve gotten worse.”

The following silence is something he’s used to, but he pauses anyway between a sentence and the other, just in case Kei felt the sudden need to intervene.

Perhaps, he thinks, he should be talking to him about something more interesting that his private session with the clinic’s head doctor, then Kei would feel more willing to break his 7-years-long silence.

Yuya doesn’t really know why, but he finds talking like this with Kei much more therapeutic than with any of the doctors he has seen since he’s gotten here, a year and a half before.

“I don’t understand why it’s any of his business if I want to kill myself. He keeps asking me questions over questions, trying to find out how I'm broken, so that he can fix me.” he sighs, brushing his hair away from his face. “I'm not, you know? Broken, I mean. And I really wish I was, because that would mean that there’s something to be done.” he keeps waiting a reasonable amount of time for a reply, and then decides to go on. He’s told Kei the same things over and over again, but he figures there’s no harm in bugging someone who won’t tell him to shut the hell up. “Sometimes, one doesn’t need an actual reason to want to kill himself. Sometimes it’s just about the lack of a reason to live, which is pretty much the same, the way I see it.” his bits his lower lip, because as much as he’s gotten used to it, it still hurts to think about his life. “My parents are dead, I don’t have any siblings. I bounce from job to job and I don’t really date. Why should I keep going on like that? Why should someone even care if I want to do it?” he brushes his hair away again, even though he realizes it’s not over his face anymore. “It’s frustrating. No one cares enough to make me want to live, but they do just the right amount to prevent me from dying.”

Kei isn’t even looking at him. He stares at a blank space in front of himself, standing up and without doing much more.

Still, somehow Yuya knows he’s listening.

His first week there, another patient had told him about the kid. Inoo Kei, twenty-nine. In that exact same state since he was twenty-two.

One day he was walking hand in hand with his boyfriend, like any other day, and from out of nowhere a man had mugged them, his boyfriend had tried to fight him and...

Yuya feels for him, deeply. More than he would’ve for someone who’d stopped talking for any other reason.

“You know, sometimes I envy you.” he murmurs, and almost expects surprise on Kei’s face. When he stays there, emotionless as usual, Takaki goes on. “I wish I could give you my voice, my will to talk. And I wish that you could give me some of the love you feel.” he closes his eyes for a brief moment, and when he opens them he’s smiling. “I figure it’s a wonderful feeling, the one you have for your boyfriend. It must be, if you’re still unable to get over it.” he knows it sounds inappropriate and probably offensive, but he’s in the loony bin, he can afford to say whatever he wants. “I’m really sorry you lost him, Kei. But you’re not alone. I know it’s not easy, but at least you’re still standing. You haven’t tried to take your own life nor anything, so that means there’s still some will to live left inside of you. I suppose that’s what you’re clinging to, in order to go on.” he shakes his head. “Love makes you stronger. Talking’s way overrated. For what’s concerning me, it only helps to make me look dumber.” he gets up and stands in front of him, trying to look him in the eyes, trying to get any kind of reaction from him, to walk down the hidden paths Kei’s mind is wandering. “If you need me, you know where to find me.” he says in the end, giving up for the day, knowing he’ll be back to him tomorrow, and that it’s going to be equally useless.

It takes only a moment, though Yuya perceives it as if time had halted.

Kei puts a hand on his shoulder. He still doesn’t look, he still doesn’t talk, but his hand’s there.

Yuya’s always known he was listening. And he’ll be definitely back tomorrow.

~

“You’re incredible, you know?”

Yuya turns toward the other side of the bed and arches an eyebrow.

“Of course I do. But why?”

Kei rolls his eyes and crawls closer to him, letting his head rest against the elder’s chest.

“Because. You know, you’ve taken a huge chance on me. You’ve decided to love in order to find yourself. Most people, they love to lose themselves.” he explains, slightly blushing.

Yuya chuckles, leaning down to kiss his forehead.

“I was already lost, Kei-chan. And I didn’t choose to love to find myself. I chose you.”

Kei blushes even harder, hiding his face against the elder’s skin.

“So... do you have a reason to live now?” he murmurs, almost as if he’s ashamed of the question.

But Yuya doesn’t mind. It hasn’t been a sore spot for years now.

“As long as you keep talking to me.”

Inoo raises his eyes, and the smile on his face is more confident now.

“Maybe you haven’t found yourself. Maybe you’ve just found me.” he shrugs, and then he sighs, content.

“Indeed.” Yuya confirms. “And I take all the credit for it. Screw shrinks, really; the right answer’s always been right in front of us.”

He kisses him, because he doesn’t really want to keep talking about it, and because he knows Kei doesn’t either.

They had made each other whole again. They weren’t going to lose each other to anything ever again.


	18. Draw my life [Yaotome/Inoo, Artists!AU]

**Title:** Draw my life

 **Pairing:** Yaotome Hikaru/Inoo Kei

 **AU:** Artists

 **Prompt:**[18) You who suffer because you love, love still more. To die of love, is to live by it. [Victor Hugo]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [319\. Portrait in black](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

He should focus on the brush alone.

It’s the only thing that doesn’t upset him, right now.

He really can’t, though; he’s got a job to do and he’s going to do it, it doesn’t matter if he’ll go insane in the process.

“Am I doing fine like this, Yaotome-san?”

Even the voice’s a problem.

“Perfect, Inoo-sama.” he replies, and it’s barely audible. “Are you tired, would you like to take a break? Now would be a good time, because once I start with the legs I think it’s better that I do it in one go.” way better, he thinks. That way, perhaps, his mind is going to burst only one time instead of a hundred.

“I could use a pause.” Inoo agrees, sitting up and stretching his arms. “I thought that spending hours lying down would’ve been much more relaxing than this. It’s really painful to keep the same position for all this time.” he complains, standing up and wincing. “You should warn your models first.”

Hikaru chuckles, averting his eyes. It’s way wiser not to look at him, right now.

“Your father commissioned the painting because you wanted it. You can’t blame him nor me.” he replies, pretending to be very busy with his brushes.

So, he realizes Kei’s next to him way too late, and he gets startled.

“Of course I wanted this. If I had let my father have a say, I would’ve probably ended up in a bulky kimono, sitting straight for hours whilst you tried to capture the dignity of my whole lineage on the canvass.” he smirks. “My tastes are a little less conventional than those.”

Hikaru grimaces, and dares looking at him for a split second.

“I just hope your father is not going to be too disappointed when he sees the final result.” he comments, clearly referring to how Kei has chosen to wear only a light yukata, and not wear it properly either, one sleeve falling off of his shoulder in a delicious and insufferable way.

“I’m the subject and you’re the artist. We’re the only ones whose final opinion matters.” Kei smiles, tilting his head as he keeps watching the painter. “Do you like it so far?”

Hikaru has got a thousand ways to answer that. He wishes he could tell him just _how much_ he’s liking it so far, but he cares for his head too much to risk it this way.

“I'm enjoy working on it.” he answers then, cautious.

Kei looks him in a way which tells Hikaru he knows exactly what’s going on, and that doesn’t help. At all. The obochan is already teasing him enough involuntarily, he doesn’t really need to do that on purpose too.

“You look nervous.” he states, with a grin on his face that does nothing to make Hikaru think he’s not doing this to tease him.

“But I'm not.” he replies, trying to look at him straight, without averting his eyes. “I'm just focused. I'm like that when I work.”

Kei throws him a curious look, lowering his arm so that the yukata slips even farther on it.

“Then I wish I knew how you look when you’re not working. I bet you can be fun, if you want to.”

Hikaru would really like to take a can of black paint and throw it on the canvass, erase what he’s done till now and deliver Kei’s father a portrait of his son in black, telling him it suits him much better than anything else.

Instead he breathes in, keeping his calm harder and harder right now.

“I can be fun even when I work.” is his weak defence, which only makes Kei laugh.

“I thought so too.” he nods. “You’ve been fun the first couple of times I was here. And then you basically stopped talking to me. Your attitude would lead me to believe you despise me... if it wasn’t for the way you keep looking at me.”

In black. With a few brushstrokes in purple red. He can picture it perfectly, and it’s how he’d really paint Kei if he had free rein.

“I know you’re not an artist, but I'm sure you can understand it’s hard to paint someone without looking at them.” he replies, bitter; he wants to tell him that they should get back to work, but Kei’s still in his space, and that still makes it hard for him to think straight.

“Actually, I thought you were looking at me as if you didn’t want at all a canvass between us.” he smiles, and the fact that there’s no mockery in it only makes Hikaru feel slightly better. “You should say it, if it is so. It can be part of that fun we were talking about.”

He doesn’t understand, not really. Kei thinks it’s sexual, because he’s aware of how he looks, he’s aware of how he behaves. And whilst the sexual component is strong, Hikaru has surrendered weeks ago to the fact that it’s not just that.

“Do you suggest we have fun while we work and then happily part ways?” he can’t help asking, because he _needs_ to know what’s going on inside that beautiful head of his.

Kei frowns, anyway, and crosses his arms.

“I haven’t planned so far ahead. But I’d still like to see where this goes. With or without the parting of ways.”

Hikaru hesitates. The temptation is strong, so he needs to be even better than it.

“I lose anyway.” he explains, finally surrendering. He puts the brush down and caresses Kei’s face with the back of his hand, tender. “With the parting of ways, I’d be left disappointed and broken and wanting way much more. Without it, there’s nothing in the future anyway. For starters, because your father would kill me if he knew he paid to have me lay my hands on you.”

Kei laughs, genuinely.

“I understand.” he guarantees, nodding a few times. “I thought you were looking only because you liked what you see. But I'm not disappointed at all that it’s not like that.” he sighs. “You shouldn’t be torn like this. It’s quite alright to suffer because you love, but that should only make you want to love still more.” he grabs his hand, kissing the palm. “My father might kill you. And he might kill me as well. But I’ve always thought that to die of love is to live by it. And don’t you think that it is something we should do?”

Hikaru opens his eyes wide, bewildered.

The ease with which he’s dropped the world ‘love’ makes him feel different, somehow. Makes him suffer more.

Makes him want to love him more.

“So you’re saying I should give in to a whim with the promise of death because then I’d be happy?” he replies, still in disbelief.

Kei rolls his eyes, then walks back toward the chaise-longue where he poses, dragging him along and dropping on it, looking up to the elder.

“It’s not a whim, the death’s not promised. And you wouldn’t just be happy. You’d be happy with me.” he clarifies. “Now. Would you like to test how comfortable is this thing where you make me spend hours and hours?” he asks, and somehow Hikaru knows it’s an ultimatum. And he loves that it is.

“I wouldn’t be able to think about anything else anymore while I paint you on it.” he points out, but he sits down, ready to answer to the call.

“Good. I don’t want you to.” Kei leans toward him, so close that Hikaru can feel his breath against his own skin. “Let’s do this. And I promise you this’ll be the best work of art you’ll ever paint in your life.”

Hikaru knows he’s right. Just like he knows that kissing him now would be wrong.

But he still has some suffering and some loving to do, so he kisses him anyway.


	19. Tokimeki wa uso ja nai [Yabu/Chinen, Prostitution!AU]

**Title:** Tokimeki wa uso ja nai

 **Pairing:** Yabu Kota/Chinen Yuri

 **AU:** Prostitution

 **Prompt:** 19) Love is a striking example of how little reality means to us. [Marcel Proust]; 185. Seek and find

Yuri knows he shouldn’t. He’s fully aware of the fact that it’s wrong.

The other guys told him, the first day in: never fall for the clients. They’re never good people.

He has fallen, indeed. Hard.

Mostly, he doesn’t think it’s a specific merit of Yabu Kota. He just believes that the other men are so bad that he just seems better in comparison. Or, at the very least, this is what he keeps telling himself.

But even with that, he’s got to admit that it’s weird thinking about how much he likes the man whilst he drives into him as if his life depended on it, after having carefully deposited the fee on the nightstand before starting.

Yuri knows his life’s a mess. So why shouldn’t falling for someone be even messier?

He feels different, the nights Yabu’s there. He’s got his number – which breaks rule number one – so that the elder can tell him when he’s coming, and that always puts Yuri in a mood good enough to bear through the hands touching him before it’s Yabu’s turn.

When he’s there, Yuri does his best to forget about the money. A few times he’s pretended to want to put them away in order not to forget it, just so he didn’t have to see them.

He’d be more than willing to do this for free, and it’s something that has never happened, with no other client. There are those who are good-looking, those who don’t treat him too bad, but it’s not that at all.

Since the first time he’s been there, something’s clicked with Yabu. Something which makes Yuri want to tell him to forget the money and fuck him as long as he pleases.

“There.” he moans, deep, and if Yabu had seen him with any of the others he’d be pleased by the honesty of the sounds he makes, so different than the lewd whines he reserves to lesser men. “Please, please, please, let me touch myself, I...”

He opens his eyes in time to see Yabu smile, cocky, but he doesn’t really care. In his line of work, there’s very little room for pleasure, so he’ll ask for it when he knows he can get it. And good.

“Keep your hands to yourself.” Kota replies in his soothing tone, barely affected by how fast he’s thrusting inside of him. “I’ve seen you come just like this. Too bad for you.”

Damn, it turns Yuri on more than anything else. The fact that Yabu knows him well enough to say things like that, and the fact that – _god_ , yes – he can very well come just like this, just with him.

Yabu always plays a game with his body, as if his skin’s a map, and he has to seek and find any single spot that makes him melt.

And he wins. Each and every time.

So, he can come like this. And he does, after maybe to more minutes.

It triggers Yabu to see him come undone, it always does. It makes Yuri stupidly proud, even though he realizes that the elder is that kind of client with whom his skills at this are useless, since he’d rather make him lay there and just take it.

Which works wonderfully for Yuri.

“So good.” Yabu says after a while, almost in disbelief, turning around to look at him and smiling. “Sometimes I think you ask me to touch yourself only because it turns you on that I deny it.” he mocks him, and Yuri shrugs, because it’s true.

“Does it matter? It turns you on to deny me anyway.” he replies, still feeling a little out of it.

Yabu chuckles and rolls toward him, pressing a kiss on his shoulder.

“How much longer do I have? I think I'm worked up enough to have another go at you.”

How much longer do I have. Yuri doesn’t like the question, he doesn’t like the fact that time and money dictates how many times he can have at it, he doesn’t like that he has to go not because he wants to, but because his ticket has expired.

“Hour. Hour and a half.” he replies, wincing. Then he hesitates for a moment, but then he decides he’s got nothing to lose. “You know, you don’t really need to come here. We could meet when I'm not on the clock and have all the goes you want with me.” he says, casually, as if it means nothing to him.

But it does, and he has a feeling that Yabu knows that too.

There’s a mockery on the elder’s face that Yuri doesn’t like, but he ignores it, because he’s got no choice.

“Meeting somewhere else? Do you think I'm rich or something?” he jokes, sitting up and pulling him along, letting him sit in his lap. Yuri takes that as a good sign, even though it might just be patronizing.

“You are.” he points out. “But I didn’t mean you’d have to pay for that.”

Yabu arches an eyebrow, as his hands start a soothing pattern down the younger’s hips.

“Well, isn’t dating a hooker _the_ dream.” he comments, making a small sarcastic sound.

Yuri tries to escape from his hold, but Yabu’s got a good grip on him, and he fails.

“I was talking about _fucking_ a hooker. That sounds more like your bread and butter.” he hisses, licking his lips as he tries to keep calm. He fails that too.

“It is.” Yabu confirms, nosing at the side of his face, inhaling deep. “I like fucking _this_ hooker very, very much.” he raises his eyes then, and sighs. “Let’s be realistic, Yuri: where do you think this could possibly go? I call you, you come to my place, we fuck and then I drop you off here to get fucked by other men? I can barely stomach it now, being fully aware that’s what you do for a living. I don’t think I’d be able to stand it if I were to see you as something different than a client.” he says, and Yuri thinks he almost liked it better when he was mocking him.

“Realistically.” he repeats. “I like sleeping with you. And I never like it, not with any other client. So, to me, it feels logical: if it’s something I enjoy, it seems stupid that you’d have to pay. I'm not asking for anything more committed than you fucking me somewhere that’s not a whorehouse, without leaving money on my nightstand first.” he shrugs. “Right now, men fuck me and you fuck me too. There’s really no difference.” he says, but it sounds like he doesn’t believe it, because it’s not actually what he wants. Right now, anyway, he’d take anything Yabu’s willing to offer him.

“There is.” the elder contradicts him with a soft smile. He brushes a finger down his face, and when he reaches his chin he makes him turn his head, so that he can look him in the eyes. “On the other hand, what you said is true. I _am_ rich. I suppose that if you wanted to, you could stop with this life. I could…”

“The whole point was me not taking money from you.” Yuri interrupts him, blushing. He manages to pull away now, and he kneels on the bed, facing him. “I got myself into this, and I don’t plan to be a whore till the rest of my days. But I have to figure it out on my own, I don’t want your charity just because I'm a good fuck. _Realistically_ , it would only mean you own me, which would make it even worse than now.”

Yabu throws him a sad look and nods.

“I'm sorry.” he apologizes. “I don’t want to own you. And I wasn’t joking before. Dating a hooker _is_ actually the dream.” he chuckles. “Well, this particular hooker at the very least.” he clarifies, then sighs, exasperated. “Ok then, let’s try and be practical, instead of realistic: I can bear the thought of you doing this, as long as I know it’s not forever. And I’d really like to have you anywhere but here, because – honestly – if it weren’t for you I would’ve never set foot in this place again in my life, after the first time.” he hesitates, then smiles. “But I want the whole package, first. If our time isn’t limited and I don’t pay for sex, I want to be able to do it right. Take you to dinner, have a nice night together and then casually say yes when you ask me over. Only then I _might_ accept to fuck you into the floor of your place.”

Yuri laughs at that. He laughs more than the jokes requires, laughs a little bit hysterically, but he’s completely floored by the turn of events, and doesn’t know how to vent it.

“I can do dinner.” he confirms, smiling openly. “I can the fucking into the floor. I can do anything you want, really.”

Yabu crawls toward him and pushes him until he lays down, then gets on top of him and leans down to kiss him.

“See? Doesn’t have to be realistic.” he murmurs against his lips, smiling still. “After all, love is a striking example of how little reality means to us. We can make everything up as we go.”

Then, Yuri almost wants to take him up on his offer. To quit this life and belong to him, because he doesn’t care, because he wants to be his.

But he’s a patient man, and he knows Yabu will be too.

So he just kisses him again, ready to enjoy the last time when their minutes are going to be counted, and ready to say goodbye to reality and welcome love into his life.


	20. Ai dake ga subete [Takaki/Chinen, Witchcraft!AU]

**Title:** Ai dake ga subete

 **Pairing:** Takaki Yuya/Chinen Yuri

 **AU:** Witchcraft

 **Prompt:**[20) Love us dirty, for anyone will love us clean. [Nikolaij Vasilievic Gogol]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [440\. Speak not the secret you bear](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

Magic was a sly thing, Yuya had found out during the years he had spent as a warlock.

Magic had destroyed his family. Magic had destroyed his hometown. It had destroyed his life, at some point in time.

Magic had made him meet Yuri, and put the pieces back again.

“Don’t you ever think we should stop?” he asked the younger one night, as they laid on the couch, just being with each other.

“Cuddling? From time to time. But you seem to enjoy it so much.” Yuri mocked him, and didn’t even try to move away when the elder hit the back of his head.

“I was talking about magic, you silly little brat.” Yuya explained himself, shaking his head. “And you know that.”

Yuri rolled his eyes and sat up, turning around to look at him.

“Of course I know.” he replied, calm. “But I don’t understand why you’d come up with that, so I was just trying to give you an out, in case you wanted to rethink it.”

Yuya chewed on his lower lip, thoughtful.

“Look around, Yu.” he said, with a nod of his head. “All we have. The house, the cars, the money. Nothing’s real. We wouldn’t have any of that, if we didn’t dabble in magic.”

Yuri smiled softly to him, then leant forward to take his hands, kissing their backs.

“ _I_ dabble in witchcraft, Yuya. You don’t just dabble you’re _it_.” he pointed out, and then he sighed. “And it’s real. I drive a very expensive car for real, we go to very expensive restaurants for real.” he smirked, mischievous. “You fuck me in a very expensive bed for real.” he added, just for the sick pleasure of seeing Yuya blush.

“Most people have to work hard to have all those things. Whilst all we need to do is mutter a few word the right time of the month and mix a few herbs. Does that really sound fair?” he complained, still tense.

Yuri looked at him as if he had gone completely crazy.

“Most rich people are born rich, and they spend their days sitting on their asses, doing absolutely nothing. At least we have a craft.” he winced, shaking his head. “I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal of this. What would you like us to do? Where does it stop? We may very well stop doing magic and finding an alternative way to live, alright. What’s next? Should I chop off a leg as a sign of respect to cripples?” he ironized. “You’re born like this, Yuya. You’re a warlock. If you’d have been born with a talent for drawing, you’d be a painter. I see no difference.”

Yuya got up, suddenly feeling as if he couldn’t breathe.

“Not many households ruined by painting.” he murmured. “Not many families wiped out by drawing.”

Yuri got cautious hearing that, and Yuya knew very well what he was thinking. He was always wary whenever they spoke about Yuya’s past.

“I forgot, I'm sorry.” the younger sighed and stood up to go next to Yuya. “It’s fifteen years today, right?” he asked, brushing the back of his hand on the elder’s face.

“They were just fighting. Like any other couple.” he closed his eyes and shivered, thinking about that night. “Speak not the secret you bear. Grandma always used to say that to my sisters and I. She knew it could be very dangerous, what we do. Especially if other people found out.” he went back sitting on the couch, taking his head in between his hands. “My mother told _one_ friend. It was a stupid mistake, and my father had a right to get mad, but...” he raised his eyes again, looking resolutely at Yuri. “We’re warlocks, Yuri. Even in a stupid fight, if one loses control for just a split second, people die.”

He raised his hand, cautiously, and a moment later Yuri saw a whirl of shadows appear on top of the palm, and he held his breath.

Yuya knew it scared him, somehow, just as much as it thrilled him and turned him on, how powerful he actually was. He was right, Yuya _was_ it, way much more than him. And it was precisely what terrified the elder.

“You’re not your father.” Yuri murmured. Hesitatingly, he sat next to him and grabbed his wrist, making him lower his hand. “You’re too scarred from your past. I know you’d never let anything happen to me. I wouldn’t be with you if I didn’t trust you with my life, Yuu.” he said, incredibly serious.

Yuya smiled, sadly, and shook his head.

“Everything about us defies the laws of nature, Yuri. Everything’s the exact opposite of what it should be. If I wasn’t like this, if I didn’t have the power to _take a life_ with a snap of the fingers...”

“What would we be?” Yuri interrupted him, clenching his jaw. “We also love each other differently, Yuya. We share a bond that no one else could possibly understand. Is that bad too?” he straddled his lap, pressing his forehead against Yuya’s. “The way we’re together is stained. It’s impure. It’s imperfect and perhaps even wrong.” he took a deep breath, and then he was smiling again. “But it’s us, Yuya. There’s no other choice, if someone was destined to love us, he was always supposed to love us dirty. For anyone will love us clean, but we wouldn’t be able to feel it.” he grabbed the elder’s hand, taking it to his face, letting him caress it. “I feel _this_ , Yuya. I feel something that no normal man would ever make me feel. But, most importantly...” he leaned forward, pressing a kiss to the elder’s lips. “It’s something that no other warlock would make me feel either. It’s you, Yuya. It’s you with your power, it’s you with the ability to kill with a snap of your fingers. And I truly believe you’re perfect the way you are. But even if you were to decide to stop using magic, even if I had to find a job as a waiter to make ends meet…” he kissed him again, deeper this time. “You’d still be you, and I’d still love you. In dirtiest, most imperfect way I can.”

Yuya crumbled at that. He wrapped his arms around the younger and held him tight, almost too much, unable to let go.

He felt it to. Every fibre of his body recognized Yuri as his own, and not for the magic they shared, but because it was them.

He was right. Nothing was going to happen, not to two people put together by fate.

“I love you, Chinen Yuri.” he murmured, kissing him. “With or without magic. And I don’t care about fair or not fair. I don’t care about being loved clean.” he brushed his hair back, looking deeply into his eyes. “I was born dirty. There’s no other way you should love me.”

“You were born wonderful, Takaki Yuya.” Yuri corrected him, smiling. “You were born stained by a secret you shouldn’t talk about. Not to those who don’t know how to love you for who you are.”

Magic had destroyed his family. At some point, fifteen years before, Yuya would’ve given everything he had in order to get rid of the power flowing through his veins.

Now he felt that power surge and meet Yuri’s, and he realized that there was hardly only one kind of magic. And that the one he was feeling right now, was destined to build something, instead. With Yuri.


	21. Parade wa owaranai

**Title:** Parade wa owaranai

 **Pairing:** Arioka Daiki/Yamada Ryosuke

 **AU:** Neighbours

 **Prompt:**[21) He broke my heart. You merely broke my life. [Vladimir Nabokov]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [60\. One final look back](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

Yamada felt as if his body, mind and heart had gotten together, planned carefully, and in the end screwed him over.

Despite the fact of being only in his late twenties, he had already gone through the whole serious relationship experience, he had shared his life with another human being for _years_ , he had loved him and had been loved in return. Or at least he hoped so, seeing how it had turned out in the end.

Anyway, a year had gone by. Ryosuke didn’t think he was off men for the rest of his life – there were _certain_ things he still enjoyed – but he wasn’t willing to fall in love. Not anytime soon, at the very least.

But then, of course, fate had always had a weird irony when dealing with him.

“Good morning, Yamada-kun! You’re off early this morning.”

The voice caught him off guard and startled him, but Ryosuke was still pretty sure it would’ve had the same effect on his heart even if he had seen him coming ten miles away.

Funny.

“Good morning, Arioka-kun.” he smiled, and tried to will himself not to blush. “Yes, I’ve got to get to work early this morning. Some big emergency that apparently can’t be solved at nine.” he felt such an idiot as he spoke to his neighbour, but he couldn’t help going on nonetheless. “At the very least, I’ll be out of there a couple of hours early. I suppose it might be worth it.”

The smile Arioka gave him as a response made his legs feel like jelly, it tied his stomach in knots and made him feel light headed.

He was starting to believe this was going to end either with him moving away or with a trip to the emergency room.

“That’s really good.” the elder commented, glancing briefly at the clock. “I’m off work early as well, tonight. What do you say we celebrate the unusual event and grab something to drink together? We’ve been neighbours for over two months and we only ever meet here in the hallway.” he paused and chuckled nervously. “Besides, I haven’t had a chance to make a lot of friends outside work yet. I guess I could use one.”

Oh, a friend. Sure. Yamada could use a friend too.

“Well, alright then. I’ll be home by six, want to meet here and then go out together?”

The enthusiasm on Arioka’s face made the whole process of legs-stomach-head start all over again, but at the moment Yamada couldn’t care less.

“Perfect. It’s a date!”

He watched the elder go, and it took him a while to start moving again.

Yes, Yamada could definitely use a friend.

Too bad that it was absolutely not what he wanted Arioka Daiki to be for him.

~

It was bad. It was really, really bad.

Yamada had lied to him, of course. He had gotten home at five thirty, so that he could shower, change and try to convince himself this was not a very, very bad idea.

Somehow he had made it alive with Arioka to a bar close to their building; somehow he had managed to order a drink and was currently in the process of sipping it, way too fast. He found that drinking kept his mouth busy enough and prevented him from saying very stupid stuff.

Daiki didn’t seem to mind it, anyway; he had been talking for a while about what he did in Chiba – where he had lived up until two months before – allowing Yamada to sit there and listen contently.

Even though he knew it couldn’t last forever.

“It feels as if I'm doing all the talking, I'm sorry. What about you, Yamada-kun?”

Ryosuke swallowed as slowly as humanly possible, then stared at him for a moment with his eyes wide open.

“What about...” he repeated, then sighed. “There’s really not much to say. I’ve been living at my current place since I’ve left my parents’ home, here in Tokyo. I work in the administrative office of the university I’ve attended, and I’ve kept telling myself for years that it’s just a temporary job.” he smirked and shrugged, uncomfortable. “Trust me, it’s a pretty boring life. I’d rather listen about yours.”

Arioka leant back against the chair, a curious look on his face.

“Are you currently seeing someone?” he asked then, all innocent.

To hell. Yamada almost risked choking on his drink at that.

“No. Not really. I’ve...” he blushed heavily, then he put the glass down, feeling light-headed all of a sudden. “I did, until about a year ago. Haven’t seen anyone since.” he murmured, hoping he was getting away with it.

He wasn’t so lucky.

Arioka studied his expression for a short while, then put his elbows down on the table and looked straight into his eyes.

“I take it it was something serious?” he asked, tilting his head on a side and patiently waiting for an answer.

And there was only so much Yamada’s nerves could take.

“It was.” he confirmed. “It didn’t end well either, so I haven’t really been eager to start it all over again. We’ve been together for four years, me and him, and in the end it’s gotten so ugly that it made me doubt it was even worth it.” he couldn’t stop. He hadn’t been talking about it for a while, but the fact that it still burned made it impossible for him to tell the story in an appropriately vague way. “Honestly, I didn’t even think I was ever going to feel attracted to a man ever again. Up until a while ago I felt as if, no matter how much I liked someone, it wasn’t worth the hassle.” he shrugged and took another sip, unaware of the way he had phrased the concept.

Had he realized that, he would’ve run out of the bar and rushed to change apartment and – possibly – identity.

“Up until a while ago, uh?” Arioka repeated, with a knowing smirk on his face. “So, have you met someone who’s made you change your mind, recently?”

There, Yamada noticed. And felt like screaming.

But he couldn’t deny, he couldn’t admit and he couldn’t actually run. So the only thing left was to be bold, and the hell with it.

“I did.” he treaded carefully, returning the smile and hoping Arioka wasn’t going to detect his embarrassment. “And it confuses me. A lot.”

“Why does it?” Daiki frowned, curious.

Yamada thought about it very carefully, but there was nothing he could say to save the situation, so he just went for it.

“Because I had somehow sworn off men. Not forever, I guess, but like I said... I didn’t expect for it to be so soon. Or to get hit so hard.” he grimaced, deeply embarrassed. “I guess I'm just wired this way, am I not?”

Daiki kept looking at him, and the interest on his face was the only thing which kept Yamada from getting up and leave. The country.

“I’m sorry if I...” he paused with a smirk. “If this _person_ has caused you troubles. I'm sure they didn’t mean to be such a burden for you. Especially after what your ex must’ve done to you.”

“ _Please_.” Ryosuke scoffed. “He broke my heart. _You_ , on the other hand, merely broke my life as I had built it these past months. You’ve got to get yourself busy if you want to reach the same status as him.”

He could see on Arioka’s face he was pleased about the admission it was actually him Yamada was attracted to, but there was something else, also. Something more serious.

“I won’t.” he said, carefully. “I can’t make promises, of course, but I can tell you that I will do anything in my power to avoid breaking your heart. If you’ll give me a chance to make it whole, first.”

Yamada looked at him, terrified.

He liked Arioka. But as much as he did, he hadn’t actually thought it could go anywhere, so now that it had a chance to, he felt as if he was jumping into the void, without a parachute, opening himself up to that pain again.

But then he allowed himself one final look back to his life, to what his previous relationship had been. And when he looked in front of himself again, he realized Arioka Daiki was nothing like that man. He couldn’t be, he didn’t want to believe he was.

“Let’s try dinner first.” he said, with a suddenly shy smile. “And a movie, maybe. A few kisses and whatnot. Then we’ll see about mending my broken heart.”

The smile on Daiki’s face was so radiant that Yamada instantly forgot anything else.

“Baby steps.” he nodded. “I’ll take it.”

Yamada wasn’t ready for it, in the slightest. He was still too scarred, still too terrified, still too uncertain.

But he definitely wanted Arioka Daiki to cure all of that, and then some.


	22. Call & Pray

**Title:** Call & Pray

 **Pairing:** Yaotome Hikaru/Nakajima Yuto

 **AU:** Historical

 **Prompt:**[22) And all, except our grief, is mystery. [Giacomo Leopardi]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [124\. The truth about forever](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

It was beautiful, to see him from afar.

He was elegant, noble, always with a soothing expression on his face.

From up close, Yuto had always found him very different, but that didn’t mean he didn’t like to look at him all the same.

He was kneeling tamely in a corner of the room, whilst he listened to Hikaru speak to his legates about some attack in the region, by the hand of...

Yuto didn’t really have the details clear, too focused on the way his shogun addressed his subordinates, how kindly and yet firmly he did that, letting them know that despite the tone used, he wasn’t making suggestions, but giving orders. 

He never spoke to him that way, and that was both a blessing and a curse. Yuto wouldn’t have liked that condescending tone directed at him, but the fact that Hikaru didn’t do it only meant he didn’t deem it necessary, because Yuto didn’t need to be convinced of anything. Because he belonged to him.

He barely managed to hold back a sigh when the men finally left the room, and he stayed there in his corner, waiting for the elder to instruct him about what he wanted him to do.

Yuto was torn, really: part of him wanted to stay, whilst the saner part of him dreaded it as his worst possible nightmare. It was often like that, when it came to the time he spent alone with Hikaru.

He saw the elder take his head into his hands and then raise his eyes toward him, as if realizing only then he was still there.

“You’re so tame whenever I have some important meeting that at times I mistake you with the furniture.” he mocked Yuto, who in turn blushed.

“I figure you wouldn’t be too happy if I were to talk. I just try to do as I should.”

Hikaru smirked and got up, walking toward him. He took his chin and made him raise his head, looking straight into his eyes.

“You did well, as usual.” he reassured him. “I just wonder why you’re not just as tame when we’re alone.”

Yuto dared to smile, even though it disappeared soon.

“Because you wouldn’t like that either. If I were more docile than this, you would’ve gotten tired of me after a very short while. Instead, three years after my arrival at your palace, I'm still here.” he said, flat, hoping he hadn’t overstepped. He sighed silently in relief when Hikaru laughed.

“That’s very unflattering for me, but it’s also true.” he confirmed. “The fact that you keep rebelling is a constant source of amusement for me. I wouldn’t have found you so interesting if you had just gone with all my whims.”

Yuto took that in and bit hard on his tongue to avoid answering.

Of course, it was all an illusion. He still had to go with his whims, he still had to satisfy each and every one of his shogun’s desires. And then he had to lie to himself, saying it was only because he’d have liked to keep his head.

That hadn’t been the reason for a while.

“Then I'm glad I’ve made myself interesting.” he murmured, lowering his head again, incapable of still looking him in the eyes.

Hikaru took his hand and helped him up, pointing at the bed with his head.

“If you go lay down I can show you just how interesting I find you.” he said, with a relaxed and cocky smile.

It was very similar to the way he had addressed his henchmen, except the fact that his request didn’t mask an order. He didn’t have a need to order anything, not to Yuto.

The younger didn’t say anything and walked slowly toward the bed, undoing his kimono and letting it fall on the floor, before climbing on the bed, mechanically. He turned around and found Hikaru staring at him, voracious.

He loved that look on him. He loved the moment right before, when the shogun looked ready to eat him alive, when he showed to find him irresistible.

It made Yuto feel good, it was the only time during the day when he managed to forget the nature of his condition, and truly trick himself into believing what they had was real.

It lasted until Hikaru’s first touch on his skin, possessive already, like he was touching an object instead of a human being. And there it ended for Yuto.

He laid down and took it, and enjoyed it; the pain because Hikaru couldn’t bother to take it slow, the humiliation of feeling just like a piece of meat. The pleasure, because he couldn’t help it.

When he came, he realized, he felt slightly worse than the time before. It was always like that; he felt as if each time they had sex he got closer and closer to his end. To his demise, if Hikaru had decided that for him. Even worse, to his freedom.

He didn’t want that.

“Can I stay?” he blurted out, and couldn’t even find it in himself to regret it.

The look on Hikaru’s face was priceless. He stopped whilst still inside of him, cursing through his teeth.

“What do you mean can you stay?” he repeated, frowning. He hesitated for a moment and then pulled out of him, visibly irritated. “You should learn your place in bed too, Yuto. One would think it’s the only thing you’re good for, you should be better at it.” he hissed, deliberately hurtful.

Yuto didn’t care about it. Not at that time.

“I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to... you can continue if...” he blushed and went close to him again, but Hikaru pushed him away.

“ _Thank you_ for the permission.” he ironized. “Of course I can continue, if I want. Of course you can’t deny me.” he sighed. “I don’t want to. I want to know what you meant. Now.” he ordered.

He had that look on his face, the one he put on when someone disappointed him. Yuto used to be terrified of it, when he had first arrived.

It didn’t scare him anymore, and not because he thought Hikaru wasn’t capable of hurting him: he was. Just, he wasn’t afraid of the pain anymore.

“Tonight.” he murmured, deeply embarrassed. “I want to sleep in your bed tonight. You never let me. You have your way with me and then make me leave, just like I was any other...”

“Whore?” Hikaru interrupted him, now way beyond mad. “And what exactly did you think you were, Yuto? You came here because I bought you, right? There’s never being one ounce of consent from your part, we didn’t meet and fall in love, so I don’t think I owe you anything more than what I already give you. Which is much, you ungrateful little whore.” he spat the words, the vein on his neck so thick Yuto thought it was going to burst any second now.

The younger swallowed a couple of times, trying to will himself not to cry.

He had said too much already, they both had.

There was no going back.

“I know it’s much. Perhaps that’s what’s wrong with this whole situation.” he said, calm. “It’s true, you bought me. I know what my role is, I know I'm a whore and I know that the moment you’ll grow tired of me you’ll toss me away like a broken toy.” his voice shivered for a moment, but he recovered quickly. “But I see the difference in the way you take me now, as opposed to the early days. And I feel the difference in the way I let myself be taken. It isn’t true that there’s never been consent on my part, Hikaru, and I know you’re aware of that.” he sighed, frustrated. “I just wished you weren’t scared of showing me more than this. More than the kind tyrant, more than the man you think you have to be to succeed. I’ve thought about it a thousand times the past years, and I’ve come up empty. All, except our grief, is mystery if we don’t choose to talk to each other. And...” he knew he was going too far, he knew that there was more than his life at stake, but he couldn’t stop now, even if he wanted to. And he didn’t. “And I don’t mind my grief, I’ve learned to live with that a long time ago. It’s yours I can’t stand, Hikaru.”

The shogun’s face was sculpted in stone as he listened to him. Yuto knew he was pondering, that he was thinking hard about his words. And that he was elaborating his final judgement.

“My whole life, I’ve been trying to grasp the truth about forever.” he said then, awfully serious. “I’ve always thought that I needed to shield myself, in order to be safe from everything. Enemies, friends or lovers, it’s never made much of a difference for me. And that’s why I thought you were a safe choice. You were someone I liked, but who was never supposed to want to get closer to me.” he looked deep into the younger’s eyes, then shook his head. “You can spend the night here if you want.” he decreed in the end, then quickly turned around and laid down, as if he didn’t want Yuto to see his face after the concession he had made.

The younger held still for a moment, before reaching him, pressing his forehead against the nape of his neck and breathe in deeply.

“Thanks.” he whispered against his skin, knowing well that gratitude alone couldn’t possibly express how he actually felt.

“Don’t.” Hikaru hissed. “And you better have left all grief at the door. I’ve got enough of that to worry about yours too.” he added, sour.

But Yuto knew the shogun better than anybody else; and he knew Hikaru had dissolved any residual pain for that night, and that he was going to work toward making it disappear once and for all.

Forever.


	23. Miracle wonder magic

**Title:** Miracle wonder magic

 **Pairing:** Takaki Yuya/Yamada Ryosuke

 **AU:** Blind date

 **Prompt:**[23) Rain falls […] on the lovely fable that yesterday beguiled you, that beguiles me today. [Gabriele D’Annunzio]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [225\. Perhaps they never will](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

_“I really don’t remember asking you to set me up with anyone, Kei.”_

_“Yeah, you didn’t. But you can thank me later.”_

_“Do you really think I need you to interfere, that I can’t find a man on my own? Or that I even_ want _to be seeing somebody right now?”_

_“Let’s put it this way, Yuuyan: Kota and I refuse to keep going out with you wallowing. We start to feel as if we have an overgrown child and all the babysitters in the world are out of business. So tonight you’re going to meet this guy my colleague introduced to me, and if you don’t like him at the very least you will have reminded yourself what it’s like to be on a date. Am I being clear?”_

_“Crystal.”_

Yuya doesn’t like the situation one bit.

Kei had shown him a picture of the guy on social media, and as far as he can tell from an accurately posed photo, he’s hot enough, but that’s never been the point.

He’s been with people, in the past, and it has never ended well. He likes his life the way it is, and he doesn’t think he actually _needs_ to be with someone else to feel complete.

Nevertheless, it was a hard concept to explain to Kei and Kota, who had been together so long they looked like a couple of old grumps, ready to fix everyone else the way they had fixed themselves.

So Yuya sits in a restaurant now, ready to spend a couple of incredibly meaningless hours with a good looking man he has no interest in. Great.

When he sees him coming through the door, at least, he has to admit the picture wasn’t so posed after all: he really looks handsome, this Yamada Ryosuke guy.

He smiles as he comes toward the table, his walk naturally elegant.

“Hello. You must be Takaki Yuya.” he says, his smile even wider now.

All of a sudden, Yuya feels incredibly self-conscious. He thinks about _his own_ profile picture, which he had meant to be funny, for sure nothing for him to make a good impression on...

“Yeah, that’s me.” he blurts out, nervously, and then blushes, pointing at the chair in front of him. “Please.” he invites him, trying to recollect himself as Yamada does as asked.

“I'm Yamada Ryosuke.” he introduces himself with a smirk. “Of course. Unless you had multiple blind dates tonight.” he jokes.

“Not really my scene.” Yuya replies with a grimace, before realizing it could sound impolite. “I mean, not that I have anything against people who go on blind dates, I just meant...”

Yamada laughs, and that makes Yuya feel better, because the laughter doesn’t seem mocking.

“Don’t worry. You’re uncomfortable enough that I can tell you’re not used to it.” he reassures him. “I’m not big on blind dates either, for the record. But if you know Chinen, I'm sure you can understand it’s not easy to tell him no.”

Yuya knows Kei’s colleague well enough to believe Yamada.

“Ok, then. Let’s just pretend we met casually and decided to have dinner without anyone meddling, can we, please? Or I'm not sure I can survive until the end of the night.” he suggests, shifting uncomfortably on the chair. Yamada laughs again.

“Deal.” he accepts with a nod of his head. 

From there on, it becomes easier. Yuya’s never been one to open up much with people he doesn’t know well, but somehow it comes naturally to speak to this guy. Half an hour into the dinner, they’re finishing their appetizers and Yamada already knows everything there is to know about Yuya’s family and his job.

Impressive, Yuya thinks. Scary, too.

“So.” Yamada tells him once they’ve finished eating. He looks more serious now, as he rests his back against the chair and crosses his arms. “How come Inoo-kun thought you needed him to find a date? Cause I’ve got to tell you, I wasn’t expecting to have such a good time.”

Yuya raises an eyebrow, but he’s not offended at all.

“You tell me yours and I’ll tell you mine.” he challenges him. “Chinen-kun did the same for you, after all, didn’t he?”

The younger man smirks and nods.

“Indeed.” he admits, shaking his head. “Well, Yuri tends to think I have the worst taste in men, so he’s taken upon himself to find me a decent one. That’s the whole story.” he sighs. “I can’t tell he’s wrong, anyway. I _do_ have a certain taste for the wrong kind of man.”

For a moment, Yuya wonders whether he falls in that category or not, but then decides he doesn’t want to go down that road, not yet.

“It’s a bit more complicated than that, for me.” he starts to explain. “Or, well. It really isn’t. Of course, as anyone who’s gotten single to thirty, I’ve had my share of bad relationships. But it’s not because of those that I’ve given up on dating, I just...” he finds it hard to express it, but he’s still set on trying his best. For some reasons, he wants Yamada to understand. “I’ve been alone a long time. I’ve lived on my own since I was eighteen, I’m set in my ways. And I never actually met anyone who made me want to change the way I live, so I just figure that there isn’t one.” he shrugs. “Kei insists because he’s been with Yabu his whole life. He _is_ his life. So he just thinks I should have that too, without realizing that it’s not possible.” he says, feeling slightly uncomfortable for having opened up like that with someone he had met a only a couple of hours before.

Yamada seems to ponder for a while, and then he nods.

“I agree.” he says, a soft smile on his face. “It’s ridiculous to think that you or I could ever have the same kind of relationship Inoo-kun has with someone he’s been with since he was a kid.” he sighs. “But you’re also wrong, you know?”

Yuya frowns and gets defensive.

“How?”

Yamada puts his arms down on the table and leans over, looking straight into his eyes.

“You said you’ve never met anyone who made you want to change the way you live. And I have two objections to that.” he takes a deep breath before continuing. “First of all, if you meet the right person you don’t have to change your life at all. You just have to make room for them in it.” he smirks, raising an eyebrow. “And anyway, you just haven’t met anyone who made you want to change the way you live... yet. It just has to be right that one time.”

Yuya takes it in. He thinks about Yamada’s words for a minute, pondering about them.

He likes their sound.

“Perhaps you’re right. So, for example, let’s say someone like me unexpectedly meets a man, and said man strikes something good in him...”

“Perhaps they fit together. Or perhaps they never will.” Yamada shrugs and smiles. “All I'm saying is that they could. That you shouldn’t give up only because it hasn’t happened yet.”

Yuya knows very well what they’re talking about, and he knows that for once it doesn’t scare him in the slightest.

It feels as if there’s rain falling on the lovely fable he’s built for himself, on the way he’s always thought his life was supposed to go.

But perhaps that was a less evolved Yuya. One who hadn’t met the right man yet. And the current Takaki Yuya wants to take a chance, and let himself be beguiled by a new kind of fable. One told by someone else, perhaps.

“So, perhaps they fit.” he says in the end, smiling back to Yamada. “What can those people do to find out where it leads?”

“Hypothetically?” Yamada grins. “They could ask for the check and then go have a drink somewhere. And then they can go home and one of them can wait a short amount of time before calling the other to set another date.”

“Hypothetically.” Yuya repeats, lost in thought. Then he signals the waiter for the check and turns to look at Yamada again. “Care to carry on with a drink somewhere?” he asks then, as confident as he’s ever been his whole life.

Kei’s going to be so smug about it. He’s going to think he’s always been right, and Yuya can barely stand that.

But, well. Perhaps they never will.

He’ll just have to wait and see.


	24. Lucky-Unlucky

**Title:** Lucky-Unlucky

 **Pairing:** Yaotome Hikaru/Inoo Kei

 **AU:** Superheroes

 **Prompt:**[24) I was born lost, and take no pleasure in being found. [John Steinbeck]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [70\. Fire and storm](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

Being naked in the same bed as Kei and having sex with him makes Hikaru feel a whole lot of different things.

He feels relaxed, for starters; sex is basically the only activity that – when engaged – makes Kei shut the hell up. Or not shut the hell up, which is good nonetheless.

He feels safe, somehow. Being with someone like him, someone who doesn’t make him feel different is liberating for Hikaru. He knows he doesn’t have to control himself, that nothing bad is going to happen while he’s with Kei.

A small part of him, anyway, feels awkward too. They hardly ever talk about it, they just meet in the hallways, fuck and then go back to being best friends, as if for them having sex was the equivalent of going to a bar and have a beer.

Whenever he tries to bring the subject up, Kei laughs and tells him overthinks stuff. And perhaps that’s actually true.

“Do you think that your stamina comes from being a mutant or is it all you?”

Hikaru almost chokes on his breath, startled by Kei’s words.

They’re done with what’s the third round of the night, and the younger’s question isn’t really so out of the blue.

“We should ask the scientists. It would be a nice perk of being a freaking superhero.” Hikaru turns his nose up. “One of the very few.”

Kei laughs and leans against him, mindlessly caressing his chest.

“I want to say I share your resistance, but perhaps for me it’s just the sex itself. I like it too much.” he smirks, naughty, and leans over to kiss under Hikaru’s neck. “And anyway, I don’t think being a mutant is half bad. Would you rather be boring as the rest of humanity?”

Hikaru pretends to think about it, because he doesn’t really need to. He’s known the answer from the very first time his power has manifested itself.

“Of course I would.” he says, firm. “Think about it. No one to look at you as if you’re a freak of nature. Not having to be in control all the damn time in order to avoid setting something on fire. No responsibility over the fucking world, as if the fact of being capable of stuff put us automatically in charge of making things run smoothly. What’s not to like?” he arches an eyebrow, in an even worse mood than before. There goes his afterglow.

Kei sits up, slowly, then he stretches a hand out and lets a small lightning appear. It’s fascinating, really, but that’s not the point.

“I don’t remember being powerless.” he says, slowly. “I mean, it’s not that I was that young when my mutation manifested, I just... I erased whatever I used to be before, and this is all I am now, what I'm always going to be.” he smiles and shrugs. “What I _love_ to be. I like it all, Hikka, you know that. I like the power, I like the responsibility. I don’t care much about the way humans look at us, because we’ve always been taught that they just don’t understand. It’s not their fault and it’s not ours. And for sure I wouldn’t trade what I'm capable of for a life without being looked at.”

Hikaru rolls his eyes, and doesn’t reply straight away. 

He knows, of course he does. He’s been friend with Kei since forever, and whilst he’s always admired his enthusiasm – envied it, at times – he’s never shared it.

He minds the looks. He minds been different.

“You’ve grown up hearing you’re special, Kei. It’s not quite the same.” he mutters, knowing this doesn’t even begin to cover the substantial difference between Inoo and him. It just opens Pandora’s box, and Hikaru’s not sure he even wants to.

Inoo frowns, confused.

“I tell you you’re special all the time.” he points out. “Of course I don’t just talk about your powers. Yeah, being able to conjure fire is cool and everything, but you know you’re much more than just that. _I_ know it.” he sighs, frustrated, as if he doesn’t know how to explain himself. “Yes, I’ve grown up with very supportive parents and you didn’t. It doesn’t change anything. You’re surrounded by people who appreciate you, who love you, so I don’t understand why you’d want to focus on those who don’t.”

“My parents have nothing to do with this.” Hikaru replies promptly, harsh. “They abandoned me long before my mutation showed. So, actually, it’s the only thing I can’t really blame on my powers.” he shakes his head. “I’m aware of all the people surrounding me. I’m aware that I'm safe in my own world, with other mutants, with you and the rest of our friends. But it’s _our_ world, Kei-chan. Not _the_ world, the one we’re asked to protect. I think it’s pretty hypocritical to denigrate us and then demand we save their asses, that’s all I'm saying.”

Kei laughs, wholeheartedly.

“Of course they’re hypocrites, Hikka!” he says, then rolls his eyes. “We’re all hypocrites, somehow. We all do stupid and contradictory stuff, we all have flaws and we all think we’re better than someone else, at some point in life.” he crawls into his lap, bringing his arms around his neck. “And you’re also one who never budges from the first impression you get on people. Isn’t it the same as judging someone cause they’re mutants?” he points out, and Hikaru would willingly punch him. Hard. If he wasn’t absolutely right.

“Alright, alright.” he caves. “So, what do you want me to say? That I’ll give humanity another chance? Do you want me to go out and find a nice human friend or a nice human boyfriend, and together be the emblem of how mutants and humans don’t have to be enemies?” he ironizes, making Kei laughs again.

“No, I really don’t want that.” he smiles and leans forward, giving him a peck on the lips. “I want you to stay in this bed with me and forget how much you despise your condition. I want you to focus on the fact that I'm here, that I think you’re gorgeous, and funny, and kind and a whole lot of other stuff. And that I find your power incredibly hot, too. Pun absolutely intended.” he smirks, mischievously, and Hikaru just _has_ to kiss it off his face. “And I want you to stop looking so lost, Hikaru. I understand the burden of your past, but you’re not that person anymore. You’re not the lost little kid who doesn’t have anyone in the whole world. You have a family, now. We’re your family, Hikka, _I_ am. If you’ll let me.”

Kei’s words suddenly weigh a ton. Hikaru almost panics hearing them, because he’s always been this way, he’s not used to have someone look after him, not used to have someone caring and...

“I was born lost, and take no pleasure in being found.” he mutters in the end, but then he smiles. “Unless it’s you, of course. There’s no hiding from you anyway.”

Kei’s smile is worth all of the pain of what they’ve just said to each other. Even more.

“Fire and storm.” Inoo murmurs, shaking his head. “We rock, Yaotome Hikaru. As mutants, as people, as...” he pauses and shakes his head.

“As lovers?” Hikaru teases him, then quickly pushes him so that his back’s against the mattress. Hikaru then proceeds to climb on top of him, making it impossible for Kei to move.

“As whatever you want me to be, Hikaru.” the younger replies, seriously. “As long as you’ll have me.”

Hikaru wants to tell him exactly in what capacity he wants him in his life, but they’ve already used too many words to talk about something too painful, so he’ll just keep the good stuff for later.

For now, he’ll just take the hint. He’ll have him.


	25. Joubachi

**Title:** Joubachi

 **Pairing:** Nakajima Yuto/Yamada Ryosuke

 **AU:** Boarding school

 **Prompt:**[25) Ask no questions and you’ll be told no lies. [Charles Dickens]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [263\. A lonely tomorrow](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

It was no secret that Yamada hated that place.

It was no secret for his parents, who had to hear him complain about it on a daily basis when they called. It was no secret for any of the teachers, who had to deal with his less than pleasant attitude.

And it was no secret for his classmates, either, and he had done such a good job of making himself insufferable that not one of them dared come closer, by now.

Well, almost. Ryosuke would’ve dealt with his loneliness better, if it hadn’t been for Nakajima freaking Yuto.

He was currently trying to complain about something, while the younger struggled to keep him still and take his clothes off.

Bothersome, really.

“...and that stupid math teacher, what is she thinking? Does she believe she’s the only woman in the whole world to understand calculus? I had a perfectly fine teacher at my old school, she doesn’t need to look at me as if I didn’t know what’s two plus two.” he whined, barely keeping notice of what Yuto’s doing.

“I know. She’s a pain.” Nakajima replied distractedly, whilst dealing with the last of Yamada’s shirt’s buttons. “One would think all she does is complaining.” he added then, but the irony was completely lost on Ryosuke.

“Yeah, right? I mean, someone should really kick her down of her high horse. You know, that’s why I dislike it so much here. Everything feels so fake, so uncomfortable. You all look like you feel smarter than the rest of the world, that the simple fact of attending here makes you better than people going to different schools. It’s unfair, and also pretty annoying.”

That actually managed to get Yuto’s attention.

“I'm sorry, I didn’t realize you were the son of some poor farm labourer here on a scholarship.” he ironized, shaking his head. “You’re just as entitled as the rest of the kids here, Yamada. Don’t think that you’re not just because you spend all of your time bitching about _us_.” he smirked then. “It’s not like you whine so much about this place when I manage to get your clothes off of you, right? Then you don’t look so displeased.”

Yamada had at least the decency of blushing.

“That’s a completely different matter. It’s not my fault at all, I suppose sex is the only thing which doesn’t discriminate by class.” he sighed, shaking his head, and then sat up on his bed and looked straight at him. “I'm not saying I'm not entitled or something. So I'm rich, big deal. I don’t go around looking all high and mighty, am I right?”

Yuto looked really torn.

On one hand, he _really_ wanted to get Yamada naked in the next ten seconds.

On the other, he couldn’t always let him win arguments just because he was horny.

“Actually…” he started, grimacing. “You kind of do, don’t you?” he shrugged. “All everyone ever hears from you is how good your old school was, how nice your friends back home are, as if we lived in a bubble and you were the only man ever to have lived a life outside of these walls.” he bit his lip, uncomfortably. “We’re not all bad, you know? There are nice people here too. But whenever I speak to any one of our classmates, half of them are scared of you and the other half wants to kick your ass. Hard.”

Yamada was about to burst, he realized that. But nevertheless, someone needed to say that to him, and since he was the only one with whom he was on speaking terms...

“I don’t... I never go and...” Ryosuke started muttering confusedly, then he took a deep breath and tried to calm down. “They didn’t even make an effort to get to know me! Of course they’d think I'm scary or insufferable, they had decided that the moment I first stepped inside the classroom!” he complained, while he started buttoning up his shirt again.

There went Yuto’s afternoon sex, thank you very much.

“The opposite is also true.” he tried to explain, even though he felt as if he was speaking to a five years old. “Since the moment your father told you he was sending you to boarding school, you decided you were going to hate it here, because it’s _boarding school_ , and it’s some sort of punishment, isn’t it?” he sighed, frustrated. “Wouldn’t it be better, instead, to have a good time here? Wouldn’t it be better to try and seize the opportunity, no matter how bad it sucks for you? Because I'm telling you, there’s a lonely tomorrow ahead of you if you don’t start acting nicer. To the other guys and to the teachers too. You have a chance to make your life good or make it a living hell, and right now you’re going for the second option. Which, in my opinion, is completely idiotic.” he stopped and looked at him, finding him almost dazed. He cleared his throat and tried to regain some composure. “Now. Is the social studies’ class over? Can we have sex? Because I guess you could use that, at the very least.”

Yamada frowned deeply, apparently lost in thought.

When he spoke, he did so in a small voice Yuto had never heard from him before.

“You said half of the other guys is scared of me and half wants to kick my ass.” he said, hesitatingly. “So, which half are you a part of? Is it just because of the sex you keep talking to me?”

Had it been anyone else, Yuto would’ve hugged him. But he didn’t know how Ryosuke was going to react to that and, besides, he didn’t deserve it one bit.

“Ask no questions and you’ll be told no lies.” he replied, bitterly, and then he sighed and shook his head. “I’m the weird kid, in case you haven’t noticed. I talk to you because I enjoy it – when you’re not being a bitch – and that’s the same reason why I sleep with you. No more no less.” he grimaced, tilting his head. “But, in case you were to take my advice and start talking to other people, I’d still like to keep some privileges for myself. There’s really no need to get overly friendly with everybody.” he added, and actually felt glad when he saw Ryosuke smiling. He didn’t do a lot of that.

“You like me.” he stated, with a smug look on his face. “You can pretend it’s for weird reasons, but you do. So I guess I'm not that terrible, am I?” he started undoing his shirt again, his eyes fixated on the younger. “Alright, then. I may or may not take your advice. But still, my tomorrow doesn’t look so grim, does it? You’re going to be in it.”

Yuto wanted to bang his head against the wall and curse Yamada Ryosuke for taking his words out of context in order to gather whatever meaning he wanted to.

But, more than that, he wanted to get him out of his clothes. Bad.

“Fine, fine. Do as you please.” he muttered. “I’ll do _whom_ I please.”

He knew why he liked Yamada. Sex made him way more sustainable, since he didn’t talk as much.

That, and perhaps other stuff too. He didn’t have to decide that right now.

Apparently, they had a long way ahead of them for him to learn it all.


	26. Journey

**Title:** Journey

 **Pairing:** Yaotome Hikaru/Nakajima Yuto

 **AU:** Family

 **Prompt:**[26) The child is the father of the man. [William Wordsworth]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [39\. Beyond the horizon](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

_“I’m really sorry, Hikka, I know you love kids and that you probably want a whole baseball team worth of them, but I'm just not cut out for it. I doubt I’ll ever want to be a father.”_

“Hikka, I'm seriously trying to keep my cool here, but… why the hell did you bring me green candles? I thought we brought a girl into the world, not Yoda.”

Hikaru opened his mouth to reply, but then he closed it back up and took a deep breath before venturing into an answer.

“First of all, neither of us is in possession of a uterus, so we didn’t bring squat into the world.” he pointed out, then rushed to go on before Yuto could kill him. “Second, the store had run out of pink candles, so it was either these or blue ones, and I went for those which were less likely to get me to sleep on the couch tonight.” he smirked. “And third… how cool would it have been to bring Yoda into the world?”

Yuto brought his hands to his temples and started massaging counter-clockwise, as if dealing with Hikaru had given him a migraine.

“So, so cool.” he managed to mutter anyway, before grabbing the candles from his boyfriend’s hands. “Well, I’ll make them do. Of course they’re going to look horrible on the cake, but it’s not like anyone here cares.” he turned toward the box and crouched down, sticking a candle out. “You like green, don’t you Yui-chan?” he asked in a soothing voice, then laughed when the baby took the candle from his hand, refusing to give it back. “Stubborn child.” he said affectionately, then turned to look at Hikaru. “You’re so very lucky she puts me in such a good mood. You’ve been a pain throughout the whole birthday planning. One would think you don’t care that _your_ daughter turns one today.”

Hikaru rolled his eyes and held his hand out, helping him back on his feet. Then he put his hands on his shoulders and looked straight into his eyes.

“I do care. I care as much as you do, you should know that.” he corrected him. “But I'm afraid _she_ isn’t too much into the birthday party you’ve so carefully planned. She’s one, Yutti, for Christ’s sake, do you really think today is going to be different from any other day for her?” he smirked. “I'm all for partying, though. I just don’t think the colour of the candles is going to be an actual problem, since she won’t remember any of this anyway.”

Yuto escaped from the hold on his shoulders and glared at him.

“Alright. And when she’s going to be a teenager and ask about pictures from her first birthday, what am I supposed to say? I'm so going to throw you under the bus for this. Let her decide then whether the _cool_ dad is the one who didn’t think green candles were acceptable or the one who didn’t want to have a party in the first place, just because she won’t remember.” he told him, and then crossed his arms, pretty satisfied with himself.

Hikaru laughed and leant over, pressing a kiss to his lips.

“Baby, when she’s going to be a teenager she won’t think either of is cool, because we’ll be the ones forbidding her to stay out too late or to pierce weird parts of her body. That you can rest assured of.”

Yuto shivered at the thought, and tried to chase it away as fast as he could.

“She’s going to spend some times with her grandparents. She’s going to open presents – and I'm still not sure your mother won’t show here with an actual pony. She’s going to have cake. I say she’s going to have fun, even though she’s just one. Please don’t rain on our parade.” he whined then, sure that he could easily win Hikaru over with that tone.

“Fine, fine, you win.” the elder conceded. “Like I said, I’ve got nothing against the party per se. I _would_ have a few objections to my mother bringing a pony into my house, but I suppose we’re safe at least until she’ll turn...” he paused all of a sudden, frowning. “Did you say have cake?” he asked then in disbelief.

Yuto shifted his weight, uncomfortable.

“Can’t she?” he asked in a small voice, knowing the answer just from the look on Yaotome’s face.

“She’s one, Yutti! Studies show it’s unhealthy to give sugar to a child in their first two years of life, not to mention the fact that sugar is a stimulant and...” he paused again and loudly slapped his own forehead. “How long have you been giving her sweets, Yutti?”

Nakajima panicked for a second, then he made a quick decision and got closer to him, an open smile on his face.

“You know, Hikka... now that I think about it, those candles look really pretty. Did you know that green is my favourite colour?”

The batting of eyelashes must’ve worked, because Hikaru didn’t look as mad.

“When she’ll be a teenager and she’ll have to wear braces, I’m so going to throw her _cool_ dad under the bus.” he mocked him, shaking his head in disapproval. Then he raised his eyes toward the baby, who was playing with her stuffed animals, completely unaware of them. “What do you say, honey? Would you like to have some cake for your birthday?”

The baby raised her eyes and laughed, for some reason, before shaking her head vigorously.

“She totally doesn’t know what you just asked.” Yuto rushed to say.

“Of course she does. She’s getting ready to have her big party today, but she’s thought thoroughly about it and has decided she’s too young to fully enjoy chocolate and whipped cream.” Hikaru mocked him, triumphantly. “And once again, the child is the father of the man. Or the mother, in this case. That’s good, I really needed someone else in this house to help me keeping you in check.” he rushed toward his daughter and picked her up, giving her a much appreciated kiss on her cheek. “Good girl.” he told her then, nosing along her face as she gurgled.

Yuto rolled his eyes and took her from his arms, holding her tight against himself.

“I'm not sure I'm going to let the two of you spend much time together when she’ll begin to actually understand us. You’re dangerous.” he muttered, rocking her slowly.

“You’re so lucky I love you and I'm a decent man, or I’d definitely tell her who was that less than two years ago had sworn he was never going to have kids.” Hikaru told the younger, with a smug look on his face. “And look at yourself now, all possessive and making a fuss about birthdays and candles and cakes. I wish your past self could see you now.”

Yuto blushed heavily and held on even tighter to the baby.

“In my defence, I didn’t know she was going to be like this. Babies are usually very boring.”

Hikaru laughed, shaking his head.

“No matter how much I love her, Yutti, she’s just like any other baby in the world. Which, as you see it, makes her boring too.” he pointed out, getting closer and caressing the scarce hair on her head.

“Yaotome Hikaru, don’t you dare call my daughter boring.” Yuto threatened, frowning. “She’s not like any other baby. We watched Dragon Ball together the other day, and she laughed a lot. It was really funny to look at, and...” he paused and smiled, guiltily. “Shouldn’t have let her watch Dragon Ball, right?”

Hikaru sighed and shook his head.

“Don’t worry. With you as a father, I already see prison in store for her beyond the horizon, whether you let her watch violent animes or not.” he commented, then wrapped his arms around the both of them and gave them one kiss each. “Let’s just focus on the party, right now. We have all the time in the world to screw her up.” 

He made as to leave, but Yuto held his wrist and smiled to him.

“I'm glad you insisted, Hikka.” he told him. “I'm glad we adopted her, I'm... I'm happier than I ever thought I could possibly be. Thank you.”

He knew Hikaru could’ve chosen that exact moment to throw in his face how right he had been all along, but he felt relieved he didn’t.

“We’re doing this together, Yu.” he replied simply, shrugging. “Thank _you_.”

Yui chose that moment to let out a high-pitch squeal to get their attention, which made them both get back to reality.

“Of course, princess. It’s your birthday, we should focus on you after all.” Yuto told her. “Come on, let’s go set the table before your grandparents arrive. And when they do, we’ll ask your grandmas whether you can have cake or not.” he turned to look at Hikaru, as if to dare him to discuss it, but the elder just shook his head.

“I'm sure my mother and your mother will give their informed and not at all biased opinion in a calm manner.” he ironized. “You do the table, I’ll blow up the balloons. Let’s get this party started, people.” he said then, completely surrendering to the mood.

It didn’t matter whether Yui knew it was her birthday or not. They were going to celebrate it together, as they should’ve; as a family.


	27. Order

**Title:** Order

 **Pairing:** Yabu Kota/Yaotome Hikaru

 **AU:** Amnesia

 **Prompt:**[27) The cruellest lies are often told in silence. [Robert Louis Stevenson]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [42\. Lie to me](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

One should always wish the best for the people they love.

They should always want them to be happy, always want to see them smiling. They should be able to let them go, too, if they realize it’s the right thing to do.

Hikaru wish he was that strong, but he just can’t.

“Are you really sure I like curry rice?” Yabu asked him, looking suspiciously at the plate in front of him.

Hikaru sighed, getting ready for yet another charming dinner with his supposed boyfriend.

“It’s your favourite dish.” he replied, laconic. “Or, at least, it was.”

The elder played for a while with the spoon, mixing the rice with the curry and stirring, and only after a while he deemed it safe to taste it.

He grimaced, then, shaking his head.

“Nope. Not my favourite dish anymore.” he informed the younger, who in turn nodded and stood up, taking the plate away from him.

“I’ll update the list.” he commented, only half-ironic. He should’ve really made a list of all the things that had changed in Yabu after the accident.

It wouldn’t have been flattering, not for the poor curry rice and not for him.

“How about I make you some omurice? I made it last week and you liked it.” he suggested, opening the fridge and taking out a carton of eggs, waving it in front of Yabu in what he hoped was an alluring way. He didn’t really feel like cooking anything more complicated than that, not after having spent over two hours on a dish no one but him was going to appreciate.

“You shouldn’t remind me stuff that’s happened no more than five days ago.” Kota said in between his teeth, leaning back against the chair. “And don’t worry. I wasn’t hungry to begin with, there’s no need for you to cook.” he stood up, harshly, and left the room in long strides.

Hikaru put down the eggs, put his hands down on the counter and counted to ten, closing his eyes and breathing deeply.

It wasn’t enough, so he did it one more time, and then one more.

There was no need to make a list at all, he thought.

It wasn’t like there were mere differences between the Yabu before the accident and the one after. It was that he was a whole other man, one he didn’t know at all.

 _His_ Kota wouldn’t have talked to him like that. He wouldn’t have always been treating him like his presence was a given, he wouldn’t have left him there without eating and without trying to fix whatever was wrong with them.

He loved Yabu in every single aspect of him, and he loved the after accident Yabu as well. But he didn’t like him one bit.

After having calmed down he decided to join him in the living room, giving up entirely on dinner for the time being. That curry just wasn’t lucky.

“I'm sorry.” he said as soon as he reached him, standing up in front of him. Yabu sat on the couch, his knees up, his eyes lost into space.

“About?” he asked, without much interest, making Hikaru want to punch him.

“You know, reminding you about eating omurice. I wasn’t implying that you couldn’t remember it, only that you must be overwhelmed with information, so it would be easy to overlook something.” he explained, trying to sound as submissive as possible. He still hoped this was going to be the right strategy, in the end.

Yabu, anyway, only seemed to get madder.

“Stop treating me like a sick child.” he hissed, getting up and standing only a few centimetres from him. “I'm sorry I don’t like your stupid curry rice, I'm sorry I don’t remember I liked it in the first place. Do you think it’s funny for me having to navigate through life without knowing what I like and what I don’t? Without knowing how I feel, even?”

Hikaru was just _so_ tired.

“It’s no picnic for me either, Kota.” he said, as calm as before, but now clearly mad. His lips twitched as he tried to control himself, but in the end he just couldn’t. “Do you think I signed up for this? Do you think I'm happy to wake up in the morning and dreading all the stuff that I'm sure is going to go wrong throughout the day?” he shook his head and breathed in deeply. “I'm so fucking tired of not knowing what to say to you. I'm tired of that look in your eyes, as if you despised me. I’ve stood by your side, every step of the way, and I don’t think I deserve it.”

Kota sat back on the couch. He didn’t look at him, he seemed lost in thought, and Hikaru couldn’t really say what the verdict was going to be for him.

When he raised his eyes again he wasn’t angry anymore. But he was resolute, which scared Hikaru even worse.

“I don’t know you.” he said, simple as that. “I woke up in a hospital bed surrounded by people I didn’t know. I couldn’t recognize my own mother, and I couldn’t recognize you. You’re just the man who told me that we’ve been in love for over ten years, the man I’ve come home with, the man I’ve gotten in bed with every single night since I came back. And it doesn’t matter how much you tell me, unless you can give me back those ten years, I will _never_ know you. Not that way, not anymore.”

Hikaru felt as if he had just punched him in the stomach. He felt as if he couldn’t breathe, as if the world had shifted on his axis.

He couldn’t even explain why; everything Yabu had said was painfully true.

“You don’t know me, but I'm still here.” he whispered, flustered. “I don’t know you either. Not _this_ you. But I keep talking to you about the man who you used to be, I keep cooking your meals and I keep cleaning your house, acting like a freaking maid as you wallow in despair. So, I’ll tell you something else, now: the Yabu Kota I know wouldn’t treat me like this, but if he did, at least he’d have the decency of lying to me. I'm not asking you to feel something you don’t feel, I'm not asking you to pretend to be happy for my sake or anything like it. But just lie to me, Kota. Tell me you like the damn curry rice. Tell me that the pictures from our anniversary in Oyama look familiar. Or don’t say anything at all, but don’t come to me treating me as if I'm your jailer, and not the man who fucking loves you.” he spat the words, all control over his reactions lost.

He had had it. He couldn’t take it anymore, just like Yabu couldn’t. They were trapped.

Yabu didn’t reply, not right away; and Hikaru found out that the cruellest lies are often told in silence, that he was pondering whether or not to definitively break his heart or do as asked, and lie to him.

It didn’t matter, either way. Hikaru’s heart was already broken.

“I treat you like my jailer because I feel like I'm in prison.” was the first thing he said then, and Hikaru knew already where this was going to go. “I suppose I wish this had never happened, but it has. I'm not the man I was before, I don’t like the same things and I don’t feel the same way. And as much as I try – and, believe me, I _tried_ – I can’t feel anything for you. Not the love you tell me about, nor anything else. It was wrong of me to follow you here and to let you take care of me all this time, and I'm sorry about that. But I can’t go on anymore, not like this. Not in any way.”

Hikaru had the weird feeling he couldn’t breathe. And he agreed with him, deep inside, he really did.

It just still hurt like hell.

“The doctors said you might get your memory back. They said not to lose hope.” he murmured, knowing already how weak his argument was.

Yabu sighed and got back up again.

“They also said it’s likely that it’s gone forever. And you _should_ lose that hope, Hikaru. For your own good.” he hesitated for a moment, and then he leant forward and kissed him.

He hadn’t done that, not once, since he had woken up; Hikaru found it cruel for him to do it now, but he understood his reasons and just took it.

When he pulled away he read it on his face; he didn’t remember this either, he didn’t know this either.

“I'm going to pack.” the elder said, his voice barely audible, before leaving him alone in the room.

Hikaru stayed there, still.

It was over, but he had been knowing for a long time it was.

He was going to keep the memories of the man Yabu once was, he was going to keep him alive like that, because that man had been killed in the accident.

There was nothing left of him. Even the taste on his lips, Hikaru realized, was not the one of the Kota he loved.


	28. I am

**Title:** I am

 **Pairing:** Nakajima Yuto/Inoo Kei

 **AU:** Photographer

 **Prompt:**[28) I am malicious because I am miserable. [Mary Shelley]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [323\. Twilight’s selfish shade](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

Nakajima Yuto.

Kei’s worked quite a few times with him, and he’s glad he’s in charge of today’s photoshoot.

He’s punctual, he doesn’t waste time, he’s precise and he always delivers what he promises, making Kei feel actually good about himself when he looks at the picture he takes.

Also, he’s one of those who don’t hit on him, who won’t take a few extra pictures to do god know what with them later at night.

Even though, Kei has to admit, he wouldn’t mind that too much. Even admiring him for his professionalism, Nakajima _is_ quite hot.

But it doesn’t matter anyway. Kei’s the star and he’s the photographer, Kei does dozens of these shoots per month and Nakajima probably does hundreds. Inoo wonders whether he’s tired of his job just like he himself is tired of the life he leads, but from the way he holds the camera and carefully instructs him as to how to position himself, he doubts it.

He envies him.

“Inoo-san, could you please lean against the wall and look outside the window? The light’s better, I think I can take a good shoot like that.”

Kei recovers from his thoughts and nods, promptly doing as asked. The photographer’s having a field day, right now: they’re in his studio, completely alone, and Kei can bet he’s glad he doesn’t have to deal with his manager, who always pressures him to make Kei either lose some close or look overly sexy in any other way.

Kei’s not cut out for that, and Nakajima recognizes it, and takes the pictures that suit him better. That’s another reason why Kei likes to work with him: he won’t feel a stranger looking at himself.

“Are you tired, Inoo-san? We could take a break, I could make some coffee.” he suggests then, frowning as he looks at Kei.

The actor thinks about it for a moment, and then he smiles politely and nods.

“Thank you, Nakajima-san. I'm sorry, I'm just a little distracted today.”

Yuto waves his hand to dismiss him, and goes toward the coffee maker.

“Please, don’t apologize. You’re possibly the best behaved actor with whom I’ve ever worked with. They usually all have a say about how I should do my job. As if I went on set telling them how to film a scene or something. Sometimes it feels like I work with kids, rather than adults.” he jokes, leaving the pot to fill and turning around to look at him. “Besides, I kind of like the distracted look on your face. It makes the picture feel more real.” he smiles, almost shyly, and for some reason Kei feels uncomfortable with the way he’s looking at him.

He hates feeling like this. Hates always doubting of the people around him, as if they always had some particular reason to look at him a certain way.

So he shivers when Nakajima gives him his cup of coffee and their finger touch. And he doesn’t understand whether it’s discomfort or fear or arousal. He’s lost any capability of discerning his emotions a long time ago.

The photographer notices and, for good measure, rushes to take a step back. Kei imagines that doing his job isn’t that safe either, and he can’t even begin to think about how many times he must’ve being accused of something he didn’t actually do.

Life sucks, one way or the other.

He sips his coffee silently, now trying to rush through it. All of a sudden, he wishes his manager was here; the picture would’ve been a lot less comfortable to take, but at least he wouldn’t have to be alone in the room with this man, wondering what he thinks about him.

“Can we get back to work?” he asks almost shyly as soon as the last drop of coffee’s done. He blushes a little, nodding toward the window. “I’m afraid we’re losing light.” he tries to justify himself.

Nakajima shrugs, but then he takes his camera back.

“I don’t mind this light. I can work on something slightly different, I think.” he tilts his head, lost in thought for a moment. “Go sit on that chair. Lean against it and take your head back a little. Let’s try like this.” he instructs, and Kei rushes to obey, hoping that having to focus on posing will make him lose the discomfort.

Nakajima takes a couple of shots and then looks at them, a frown on his face. He walks toward him and shows him the little monitor.

“See what I mean? This light looks rather good with your complexion. But I need you to tilt your head back a little more, I'm trying to catch the reflection off your skin.” he explains, which is really good for Kei, because he’s usually never told what he’s trying to achieve.

“Like this?” he asks in a small voice, slouching down the chair and looking up, feeling incredibly exposed, somehow.

He’s sure he’s heard Nakajima hold his breath for a moment, and he doesn’t know how that makes him feel either.

“Perfect.” the photographer replies, before rushing back to work. He’s uncomfortable too, now, and this only makes it worse for Kei.

After the shots he checks the results again, and Kei thinks he looks kind of troubled by what he sees.

“Did I do it wrong?” he asks, frowning.

When Nakajima raises his eyes to look at him, he’s smiling.

“Not at all. Just see for yourself.” he hands him the camera, careful not to touch, and Kei flips through the pictures in amazement.

He gets what he means, now. He sees how the twilight’s selfish shade hits his skin, making it almost glow, making him look desperate, broken. It matches how he feels in a way that almost scares him.

“They’re... beautiful.” is all he says though, almost in disbelief, then raises his eyes to look at the man standing in front of him. “You’re really good.” he compliments him, because despite how he makes him feel, he owes him that.

“It’s not me.” Nakajima shrugs. “You look beautiful in a very peculiar way. I just thought I could work with that.” he frowns then. “I didn’t mean peculiar in a bad way. I mean, you _are_ beautiful in a canonical sense to, I just wanted to say that...”

“It’s okay.” Kei smiles, and actually feels it. “I always expect men to say things to me. The bad kind of things. So hearing that I'm beautiful in a peculiar way makes me feel better than you’d think.” he admits.

Nakajima looks at him, puzzled, then crouches down to look him in the eyes.

“Is that why you always look like you’re about to get attacked by a madman with an axe?” he asks, bluntly.

Kei really can’t help it: he laughs, with all his heart, like he hasn’t laughed in ages.

“Something like that.” he confirms, shaking his head. He can’t believe he actually said that.

“That’s a pretty malicious way of thinking.” Nakajima protests. “I understand your job better than most, I realize that sometimes the comments are harsh to hear, but still...”

Kei doesn’t let him go on.

“It’s not that.” he stops him, and the smile on his face has now lost all of its amusement. “I'm malicious because I'm miserable. And I would be even if men didn’t say the things they say.” he shrugs. “Years ago, I thought I was cut out for it. I thought I could make it, that I could bear through all of the things this job entails, and get out without a scratch.” he holds up the camera, showing him the last picture he took. “This is me: worn out, lost. I look good in the twilight because that’s where I feel. Always on the verge of the end, but still finding some remnants of strength to go on.” he sighs and shakes his head again, as to dismiss what he just said. “Like I told you, you’re good. You’re the first man to ever see this part of me so clearly.”

“I was looking for it.” Nakajima replies promptly. “Since the first time I met you, I was. I just needed a good set to find it.” he bites his lips, unsure, and then goes on. “I won’t attack you with an axe. I promise.” he adds then, making Kei laugh again.

“I'm not really sure I was ever afraid of you.” he confesses, then reaches him on the floor, kneeling down and leaving the camera on the chair. “You saw me. You can’t be that bad.”

Nakajima hesitates, but then he smiles, fondly.

“I'm sure there’s so much to find looking at you, Inoo-san.” he says, then waits impatiently for what Kei has to say to that.

And there, Kei feels it. He hasn’t experimented it in a long time, but he can still recognize it. Something different than fear.

“I’ll let you look, if you want.” he agrees. “I want to find out in what other ways I can be peculiar.” he jokes then, with the same smile Yuto has still on his face.

He keeps feeling it through the infinite time it takes Nakajima to lean towards him. He feels it when he kisses him. He feels it when the photographer hands are on his face, gentle, and not scary in the slightest.

He feels an emotion. And even though he can’t name it yet, he’s sure that Nakajima’s going to be able to tell him all about it once he’s done looking. And he’ll let him.


	29. Kotoba wa iranai

**Title:** Kotoba wa iranai

 **Pairing:** Takaki Yuya/Chinen Yuri

 **AU:** A/B/O

 **Prompt:**[29) And thus the heart will break, yet brokenly live on. [Lord Byron]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [249\. Worth losing you forever](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

Yuya could try to convince himself a million times, but there was no helping his case: it was awfully weird, the situation he was in.

Yuri was at his apartment right now; he was keeping a safe distance, staying at the door whilst Yuya was near the couch, but the elder somehow thought he was doing it more for his benefit than his own.

And still, the distance didn’t help at all.

“I don’t think coming here was a good choice on your part, Yuri.” he managed to tell him, his voice barely audible as all of his strength was focused into controlling himself.

The younger rolled his eyes, then shrugged.

“You’ve always told me I'm a smart guy, Yuuyan. My choice can’t but be perfect.” he commented with a smirk. “Though I have to admit that I’d feel much better if you didn’t look at me like I'm about to catch on fire.”

Yuya grimaced, because _really_.

“You’re not the one risking to catch on fire.” he pointed out, now feeling quite mad at him. “I'm serious though, Yuri, I honestly believe it would be better if you...”

“I'm not leaving.” the younger interrupted him, firmly. “I'm not leaving until we’ve discussed this. It’s pointless, we’ve been dancing around it for weeks. Or, actually, you’ve avoided being alone with me for weeks. So this is all I could do to get you talk to me. And we’re talking, now. So start.”

Takaki didn’t want to. He would’ve gladly kept avoiding Yuri for his whole life. It would’ve hurt, but it would’ve been better.

“What do you want me to say?” he whined, shaking his head. “You should’ve expected this. It’s not my fault nor is yours, it’s just how things are. I don’t think I can allow myself to be alone with you anymore, but even more than that, you shouldn’t allow yourself to be alone with me.” he told him, each word hurting like a stab in the middle of his chest.

Yuri, then, took a few step forward, as if to prove a point. And even though Yuya knew he should’ve run away from him, his body stayed perfectly still, until the younger had reached him.

“Like I said. I'm not going anywhere.” he said, calmly. He looked as if he was about to reach his hand out and touch Yuya, but even he didn’t deem it safe, and gave up.

He sat on the couch, instead, patting the seat next to him for Yuya to do the same; the elder, anyway, had at the very least the presence of mind to go sit on the armchair instead.

“Yuri.” he said, trying to keep his voice steady. “I really wish you hadn’t presented as an omega. I do. But since you did, there’s no way I can ignore it. I never thought I was that kind of alpha, and it has never happened to be before, but it is what it is. I don’t think you appreciate how hard it is for me to even be in the same room as you.” he sighed, frustrated. “I hate this. I’ve known you since you were a kid, and up until a few weeks ago been with you was as natural as breathing for me. Now it’s a pure torture. Every time you move, every time the air shifts, I feel...” he paused, blushing hard. “I don’t have enough confidence in myself to swear my instincts won’t take over. And I can’t be with you if I can’t keep you safe.”

Yuri, against all odds, smiled.

“I think you’re misunderstanding the capacity in which I want to keep being with you, Yuya.” he informed him, shaking his head. “Isn’t this supposed to be natural? You’re an alpha and I'm an omega. Besides, I’ve always...” he paused, blushing a little, before finding in himself the will to go on. “I’ve always felt something deeper for you, Yuya. You must’ve known that.” he admitted.

The elder thought about it.

On some level, yes. He always knew that there was something else between Yuri and him, some connection that they had always been too afraid to explore.

Yuri’s nature didn’t change that fear, not for him. If anything, it made it worse.

“I remember how you were when you were just a kid, Yuri.” he murmured. “I remember you calling me onii-chan and following me anywhere I went. I’ve watched you grow up all this time, you can’t ask me to…” he brushed his hands through his hair, unwilling to go on.

“Yuya.” the younger said, firmly, as he got up and reached the armchair, leaving him with nowhere to run. “I'm not saying it’s ideal. I'm not saying that you should forget everything we’ve been through and be with me because I'm an omega and you’re an alpha.” he sighed, kneeling down on the floor and looking intently at him. “It’s imperfect. Of course it is. But as savage as this whole mess is, I say we can make it work. If you want me too, of course.” he said, the doubt reaching him just at the end of his sentence, and Yuya wished he could’ve chased his insecurity away, and tell him how he felt right there and then.

“I’ve never been with an omega.” he confessed, squirming a little on the armchair. “I’ve met a few, of course, but I’ve never fully understood the unbearable attraction I’ve heard other alphas describe.” slowly, incredibly so, he brought his hand to Yuri’s face and caressed it. “And right now I'm sitting here, having you so close, and I feel like I'm suffocating. Seeing you, listening to your voice, _smelling_ you...” there was a sound coming from his throat then, much similar to a growl. It didn’t scare Yuri, didn’t even make him flinch, but it startled Yuya instead. “I don’t know that I can live without, now that I know it exists. But since I don’t know that I can make this work, I don’t know that I won’t ruin it one way or the other, I’d rather keep you at arm’s length than risk losing you forever.”

Yuri looked pained hearing that, and it took him a moment to react. Then he got back on his feet, and before Yuya could realize it he was straddling his lap and kissing him.

He surrendered, instantly; he surrendered his body, his soul, his whole self to that kiss, which was the most beautiful and most painful thing he had ever experienced his whole life.

He felt every inch of the younger’s skin, felt his taste in his mouth, felt his intoxicating smell as if it was trying to seep into his own skin. And, most of all, it felt weirdly right. Natural, as Yuri had said.

“This.” the younger panted once he pulled away. “This might be worth losing you forever, Yuya. Because right now I feel that if we don’t give this shot, I’ll always be stuck right here, sitting in your lap and kissing you, and feeling as good as I’ll ever be.” he breathed in deeply, as to calm himself down. “I know this will work, because I’ve always known. But even if things were to go wrong... yes, our hearts will break, yet brokenly live on. At least then we’re going to be able to say we tried to be happy. To be together, like this.”

Yuya closed his eyes, briefly. He thought about it, as his hands worked on their own, still searching for more of Yuri’s skin to touch.

When he looked at him again he smiled, defeated.

“Mine.” he tested the word, and the way Yuri _groaned_ hearing that made him feel overwhelmed. It was a good feeling, though.

“Yours.” Chinen said, leaning down to press his forehead against Yuya’s. “If you’ll have me.” he added then, still insecure about Takaki’s response.

Yuya took his face in his hands and kissed him again, almost violently now.

“I’ll have you.” he stated. “And I’ll try my best not to hurt you, Chinen Yuri. I don’t ever want to let you go.”

Had his heart broken because of Yuri, he knew he was never going to be able to go on. But even though he wasn’t willing to lose him, Yuya had decided that it was perfectly fine to risk losing himself forever. With Yuri. For Yuri.

For his life companion.


	30. Secret magic

**Title:** Secret magic

 **Pairing:** Yaotome Hikaru/Yamada Ryosuke

 **AU:** Foster brothers

 **Prompt:**[30) And weep’st thou not, what art thou wont to weep at?. [Dante Alighieri]](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2020/02/quotes-challenge.html); [154\. Unfinished tale](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html)

At times like this, Hikaru always feels as if his bed is a little warmer than usual.

It could very well be a perception, it could be something cheesy and something coming from his heart only.

Or it might be because – as little as he is – Yamada takes up three quarters of the mattress and all of the blankets, sprawling himself on top of Hikaru and, thus, making him feel warm. 

He starts caressing his sides and kissing at the small ticklish portion of skin behind his ear, because as much as he’d love to spend the whole morning in bed with him, he knows they have to start their day, one way or another.

“Five more minutes.” he hears Yamada mutter against the pillow, as his hand weakly tries to push the elder away.

Hikaru smirks and leans down, trying to look at his face.

“But it’s ten o’clock already, Ryo-chan. Haven’t you slept enough already?”

Yamada gets up, snorting, and glares at him.

“I’ve known you for over ten years, Hikaru. I know it’s not later than nine.” he grabs his phone from the nightstand and grimaces. “Like I said. Eight forty-five.” he whines and gets back down, recovering the blankets. “I hate you.” he declares, but despite that he crawls up against the elder, the heat of his skin apparently too alluring to give up on it.

Hikaru sighs, losing part of his good mood.

He has to.

“The social worker said she’s going to be here around eleven, Ryo.” he says, in a small voice. “And I’d like to have a couple hours on me without being in the same bed as you, before meeting her.”

Yamada sits up again, but he knew already he was going to. He only wishes he hadn’t had to say the words.

“I forgot.” Ryosuke replies, a deep frown on his face. “Well, then. I better take a shower, right? I wouldn’t want her to smell sex on me.” he ironizes, then reaches down on the floor to recover the clothes they’ve scattered there the night before, and gets up to go toward the bathroom.

Hikaru wants to stop him. He wants to tell him something, wants to make him feel better, but he does nothing of the sort, simply because he can’t.

Living like this was so damn easy, until it wasn’t anymore.

When he had finally managed to move out of the foster home where he had grown up, it had been so easy to talk to a lawyer and take Ryosuke with him.

They had been through so much together. That house and the people living in it were always going to haunt Hikaru’s nightmares at night, but it was also always going to be the place where he had met the younger.

Just a little while more, that’s what he keeps telling himself. Just a few more months to Ryosuke’s eighteenth birthday, to the day when they will finally stop worrying that someone’s going to knock on their door and take everything away.

He keeps thinking about it as he hears the shower running and finally decides to get up and go make some breakfast.

He thinks about it while he almost burns the tamagoyaki, too lost into this mess of a situation.

He hears the blow dryer just as he puts the plates on the table, hoping Ryosuke won’t have to eat a cold breakfast.

He’s not his brother. That’s another thing he’s always telling himself.

He was seven when his parents had died and he had come to live with them, and Hikaru was ten at the time. They had grown together under the same roof, bearing through the same shit from their foster parents, but they were _not_ brothers.

Though the fact that he has to repeat that to himself every single day doesn’t leave much hope that the rest of the world would ever understand.

He’s about to surrender and at least get started on his coffee, when Yamada finally makes his appearance in the kitchen.

His hair’s a mess and it’s not properly dried yet. His face looks like carved in stone, and his eyes are deeply red, despite the fact that Hikaru’s sure he’s tried to avoid showing it.

He sighs and gets up, almost expecting Ryosuke to push him away when he tries to hug him.

He’s so glad he doesn’t.

They stay like that for a while, without saying a word, and from the way he shakes Hikaru realizes the younger has started crying again. He wishes he could do that too, but he always tries not to.

He’s the older. He’s sworn to protect him, from everything, so he tries to shield him from his own sadness too.

“Won’t you tell me I'm childish?” Ryosuke asks him after a while, pulling away and looking at him with some sort of an accusation on his face. Hikaru shakes his head and smiles.

“Technically, you _are_ a child. You’re allowed to be childish.” he mocks him, and does nothing to avoid the weak punch Yamada throws at his shoulder. “Besides, I think you deserve it. If you don’t cry because of this, what will you cry for?”

Ryosuke frowns for a moment, and then unexpectedly smiles.

“There has been a time when I was crying for far worse stuff than this.” he reminds him, but there’s no trace of fear or pain as he says that. “And you used to hold me back then, too. And you used to tell me that everything was going to be okay, that things were going to get better. Even though you didn’t believe it.”

Hikaru’s surprised for a moment, but he quickly recovers and takes him back between his arms, just like he used to do back then.

“But I was right, wasn’t I?” he replies, kissing the side of his head. “Things got better. And I don’t care how much we still have to go through, Ryo, one day we’re going to be free from all of this. Soon. And if no one’s going to understand how is it possible for me to love you, then I don’t care that they do. Because I love you, Ryosuke. We shouldn’t really care about anything else.”

Ryosuke shivers a little under his touch, but Hikaru knows it’s a good shiver, and keeps holding him.

“Then that’s it.” the younger says, determinate. “That woman will come, I’ll show her how great my grades are and how good we have it going. Then it’s going to be my birthday and no one’s ever going to bother us again.” he sighs, his eyes slightly dreamy. “Isn’t it a nice fairy tale?”

Hikaru laughs, then finally lets him go and pushes him toward the table.

“You’re right, you know? You _are_ childish.” he waits for him to sit, then kisses the top of his head. “But you’re _my_ child. So I guess I can live with that.”

He sits in front of him, and throughout the whole breakfast he’s distracted, looking amazed at the guy in front of him.

The one who’s not his brother. The one he doesn’t know what he is, except for someone he loves more than himself.

It doesn’t matter, anyway. Their beautiful unfinished tale will go on to teach him, and he just can’t wait to learn.


End file.
